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What should I do? MIL question

My husband has a son. We get him every other weekend. It fell this year that we had him for Easter (first time in 4 years).
At my MIL house, they did a Easter Basket hunt. My hubbys sister was there with her 3 kids. They were told to hunt for their basket and not tell if they'd found another kids basket. After a while.... and SIL kids finding theirs mine had not found his yet. I told him to ask Grandma. She said (not even directing answer to him), "He doesnt get a basket, he got his at his house"..... so, I'm assuming that the other 3 kids did not get theirs and this was their hunt..... SO WHY could she not have said this from the beginning so that my step son was not searching all over the house for a basket he was never going to find???
Hubby did say something day after, but being to casual about it in my opinion.
This sort of thing happens often when it comes to my step son.
What if anything should I do???

MIL is very VERY controlling and munipulative


Asked by MrsDAP at 9:05 AM on Apr. 27, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,972 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (29)
  • I would talk to you DH about this. If she wasn't going to do a basket for your step son and she told you ahead of time than you could have done a small one for him so he wouldn't feel left out. I am not sure if there is anything else you can do. I would have also told step son to not worry about it and that he could have his candy when he got home.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:12 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • This is HER grandson right? WTF is wrong with her? I would avoid her if at all possible. Just don't go near her. She can't control you if you aren't there.

    Answer by zradiogirl at 9:11 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Next time, ask if all the children in attendance will be treated the same. If your MIL doesn't treat all her grand kids the same, that's her problem. I would make sure that there is something for him the next time - if you choose to bring him there with the way you know your MIL will treat him.

    I think she is a w**ch for making a child look for an Easter Basket that's not there.


    Answer by JSD24 at 9:17 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Your husband should be the one to talk to her about this. Anything you do or say will be used against you. If she can't treat all the children the same, then if I were his dad, I would consider just not taking him there. But that has to be his decision and not yours. You can tell the child that you don't know why he was left out and that you are very sorry that he was, that it doesn't have anything to do with him, and that it's not his fault. Somebody needs to remind this child that he is not being mistreated because he deserves to be mistreated. You can do that every time you have the opportunity. You can also speak to his dad and tell him that these are the kinds of things that cause grown-ups to have problems for years. It has to do with one's self image, self-worth, and a whole bunch of issues that have to do with personaility development. Maybe if he sees the seriousness, he will be motivated to speak up to her!

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:28 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • What a vile woman. Can you imagine ever doing that to a child? What kind of dirty mean wench would you have to be?! I would be calling and running my mouth something fierce.

    "Hey, next time you plan on excluding your grandson, could you let me know ahead of time?! That way I can bring something for him to find so he WATCHING other kids enjoy their Easter and grandmother!!"

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:25 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I wouldn't bring him over there anymore. And I would tell her why. What a witch. We don't see my parents anymore because of how they treated my kids differently (one, my bioson, and the other my stepdaughter...but we have them both all the time, so they are treated the same and raised as brother and sister...we decided if my parents can't respect that and try, then they don't deserve to see any of us). And my mom was treating her STEP grandchild differently, that's a little more understandable and I still won't stand for it.

    Is your SS close to your MIL at all? How old is he? If he doesn't ask to see her, I just wouldn't bring him there anymore. Why should a child be hurt like that?! And why should you s

    Answer by TJandKarasMom at 9:28 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I would not make that child go through one more holiday with such a hateful person. How can anyone treat their grandchild like that? It's really sad that your husband had to deal with that growing up, but it's time to break the cycel and not make his children suffer with it as well. Good luck

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:32 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I think that she should have said something in the beginning instead of letting him hunt for one that wasn't there....I would have told her what i thought and would have left after what she did....

    Answer by shelle21 at 9:15 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I would have been upset I wasted a holiday of this disappointing crap!

    Answer by mrsmommy2007 at 9:15 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I'm sorry! It sounds like she (mil) has some real issues. I know that unfortunately some grandparents show a lot of favoritism towards one kid or another. Next time, if you know something like this is being planned, I would bring something for him to find myself, to make sure he wasn't left out. Or, I would ask her point blank - before you go - what events / things are being planned for the kids, and if ds is going to be included, or do you need to bring something for him yourself?

    If he's not getting something, and it looks like you are having to bring things for him yourself (when sister in law isn't), then, honestly, I would stop going around so often.

    This sort of thing is painful for the kids, but, on the plus side, it sounds like he has a step mom that loves and supports him - and it sounds like you have more contact with him than grandma, so if one of you has to be great and one crap.... kwim?

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:19 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

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