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Conflict with sister over her kids breaking my things. What would you do/say?

On our wedding day, my husband and I were given a garden decoration by his grandmother. We were going on a motorcycle trip for our honeymoon, and his sweet Grandma thought that was awesome (her word, too). The decoration is a huge toad dressed in Harley gear, very cute and symbolic of our journey through life together. We kept it on a shelf in our first and second apartments until we got a house, then put it in a shady place in the garden by the entrance to our home so it would be seen but not get faded by the sun too much. Well, my sister's kids broke it. No, they weren't playing carefully under supervision. They were in the yard with my sister while I went in to make iced tea. When I came out, my sister's daughter had our precious ornament held over her head. Even as I yelled at her, she threw it as hard as she could onto the driveway, smashing it into pieces. It is not fixable. I was so upset I told my sister to take her brats and leave my house NOW!! She told me if it was so special I shouldn't have had it out. Well, its been there for months with MY kids playing all around it, my brother's kids playing around it, and the neighborhood kids playing around it. We never assumed a kid would pick it up and purposely break it.

I cried about it all day ( I'm pregnant and emotional too) and my husband actually shed a tear over it when he got home. After checking facebook later on, I found that my sister had unfriended me and sent an email around to our friends and relatives saying that I had verbally attacked her daughter and made a huge deal about nothing and she was never allowed at our house again. My brother had forwarded the email to me and asked what the real story was, as this sister is apt to lie about pretty much evreything.

What would you have said or done? I think I did the right thing in throwing them out, especially after her attitude that something I loved was expendable.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:50 AM on Apr. 27, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Well she obviously needs to teach her kids some manners while at other peoples home. You should not have to put your things away just so her kids won't puposely break them. I think she is in the wrong for not seeing that her child was in the wrong.

    Answer by JayRo00 at 11:00 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • You are both right about some of it. She is responsible for the actions of her child. She shouldve responded by offering money or looking for a replacement and included a sincere apology. You reacted poorly, and you shouldn't have yelled at her daughter. On the other hand you are pregnant and not prone to react well because of it. If I were you, I would call her to apologize for that. Tell her you should have reacted better. She now owes you an apology for her daughter and her postings on facebook/ unfriending you. Don't hold your breath. You have to decide what is more important...
    Continuing a relationship with your sister and her family or the pain you feel for what's been done. I think I would make sure heirlooms were out of reach during her visits, but I would still want my sister in my life.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 11:01 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I don't see how old the girl is, but her disregard for other peoples belongings is a sign that she needs help. Maybe some therapy? Maybe a good spanking. I would allow her in my home only if she could control her behavior. And I would not let sister dis me over this. It's HER child that displayed bad, unacceptable behavior. If she can't take responsibility for her childs behavior and appologize, then she wouldn't be invited over, either.

    Answer by Kimimale at 11:06 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I would have come short of calling her kids brats and kicking them out...but obviously that was something special and irreplaceable for you, and her trying to blame you for something that her child did under her supervision and her subsequent behavior after that was unacceptable.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:56 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Well, I think you were justified in calling her kids brats (at least the one who purposely broke your item). Really, it sounds like you are better off not having them at your house. I would be really upset and your sister seems to not be able to control her own kids. I hope you are able to find a replacement for the toad (c:

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:56 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Your sister should have been more understanding about how you feel about YOUR things. It's also very immature to bring that kind of stuff to facebook; really who is going to care anything about it except you and her and grandma. I'm hoping you can find one exactly like it so it can fill the spot in your yard and hearts.


    Answer by meooma at 11:10 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • would have done something similar myself.. not kicked them out maybe but seriously wouldnt have allowed her kids such freedoms again.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:37 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Wow, I would have been thoroughly upset as well. Why didn't she stop her DD? Did she not see her pick it up? Had I been the sister, I would have spanked my child for that, then made her apologize for breaking it(and that's only if I couldn't stop her from doing it!)! I'm sorry you lost such a precious gift, and I hope you can find a replacement for it. I also hope your sister realizes that you are pregnant and emotional, which was probably why you exploded(though I probably would have too, and I'm NOT pregnant), and apologizes and makes the kid apologize as well.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 11:54 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I think that I would have done the same thing because if the other children had respect enough not to bother it her children should have th same respect...I do believe that she should apologies to and your husband for what her daughter had done...

    Answer by shelle21 at 12:51 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Kids break stuff and stuff is never as important as people and family are the most important people around.

    Forgive and forget.

    Answer by MyMyOhMy at 9:12 PM on Apr. 27, 2011