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I need to talk to someone who doesn't have a good relationship with their mom

Haven't spoken with my mother in 2 1/2 years. Haven't even laid eyes on her. I need someone who is going through the same thing. I stood up for my younger sister who I truly believe was being sexually abused by our stepfather. My mother took his side. It's a long story. But because she didn't believe me, she chose to miss my wedding, my entire first and second pregnancies.....and there were some MAJOR complications where I could have used her by my side. I gave her AMPLE opportunity to still be a part of my life and all I got was cussed out by my stepfather. They maintain that they're waiting for my aology.... I just need to know I'm not the only one out there with a messed up family....please

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Adeline1210

Asked by Adeline1210 at 10:58 AM on Apr. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Level 6 (107 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • You aren't the only one with a messed up family. I think most families are messed up to some degree. Even many (not all) of the families that I thought were really great families have eventually shown that they have issues.

    If you believe your sister, it's good that she has someone standing up for her. Do your mom and step dad have a relationship with her? What is it they think you should apologize for believing in your sister?

    I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this, but I wouldn't apologize if you believe that you are right. Good Luck.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:02 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Your not alone. I had a messed up family too. It wasn't like that but my mom and I didn't get along because she blamed me for my dad
    walking out on her and 3 small children. I had nothing to do with it, but she couldn't see it that way. My exhusband molested my oldest daughter and my youngest daughter. I believed them but I couldn't stop it. The authorities just told me to mind my own business.
    stitchintime

    Answer by stitchintime at 11:03 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I didnt have a good relationship with my mom for a long time her husband of 22 sexually abused me since I was 9 years old. I told her when i turned 18 and moved out of the house because she chose to be with him. That has left a huge scar in my life. She lived with him and i lived on my own for about 1 yr and 1/2 then she moved out of his house and i moved back with her as she was ill. She would still see him and I remember the day I moved out I told her men come and go and your children will always be here. She is now divorced from him but she never apologized for chosing him over me. She blamed me for what happened.....im sorry but i was 9 years old when it all started. I got married and was married for about 10 years but things didnt work out and I was having alot of problems with him and i left him. She totally stopped talking to me she said i didnt try hard enough. I didnt talk to her for about 1 year and 2 months. I would
    selaranda

    Answer by selaranda at 11:05 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Nope, you are not alone. I left my mom home and took my son and we drove 16hours away and didn't tell her and didn't see her for 3 years. She hunted me down and found me. She has straightened up and stopped being such an abusive bitch to me since ten. :) I left because she got a hammer and threatened to kill me.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:06 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I didn't get along with my mom. Our situations are a lot different but I seen my mom once just before she died(that was only to sign some papers) after not seeing or speaking to her for almost 10 years. I'd like to say that I regret it but I don't. I sometimes feel like I should feel bad but I just can't. Sometimes you have no choice but to weed the evil from your life, even when that evil is family.
    how_reb

    Answer by how_reb at 11:07 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Wow, I failed at typing that. *mom's home *Since then
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:07 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • cry for my mom because i needed her through my divorce and she wasnt there and my brother and sister stopped talking to me. we started talking on thanksgiving and things have been better. i am now remarried and very happy! She finally saw that i wish you the best but i know how you hurt because out of all the people in this world you problably want her. No one else can take her place. Maybe you can write to her we let our feelings out better on paper! I'll keep you in my prayers!
    selaranda

    Answer by selaranda at 11:12 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I don't feel bad about my choice to stay away. but I literally can't fathom why someone would give up the blessing and responsibility to care for their child. I was 25 when this happened, so it's not like I was a baby. But I've been through some pretty intense things while we've been not talking. I could have died, my child could have died....these are things that you SHOULD have your momma there....
    Adeline1210

    Comment by Adeline1210 (original poster) at 11:12 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • You're definitely not the only one. My mother once spent 1-1/2 years refusing to speak with me because I got upset and hung up on her. Then just last year, after I stuck to my guns that they couldn't say certain words around my then 4yo DD, I was accused of disrespecting them and was told that they'd never be anywhere near me again.. Soon after that, I read a chat where my mom bashed me something fierce to a cousin's wife. So now I haven't talked to them in 7 months. I'm not sure we'll recover from this one. No matter what happens with my family.....if it ends in a good result, it's their doing; if it ends in a bad result, it's my doing. Whenever they repeat their version to people, it's always very embellished (if not out right lies) and I'm always demonized.

    Personally, I'm just tired of it and even at 38, I mourn for the supportive and loving mom that I just don't have.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 11:13 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • AllAboutKeeley--that's totally how I feel. What's worse is that after a year or so my younger sister caved and went back to talking to them, even had a situation where her whole family had to live with them!!!! And my older sister is my mom's best friend. So I've lost my relationship with her because all she hears is how I was the demon.....
    Adeline1210

    Comment by Adeline1210 (original poster) at 11:16 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

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