I only suggest this because it could let you cut back on time outs & putting him in his room, and it could also ease some of the agitation you feel when his crying & whining trigger you. (If you are connecting to his reality, you are not likely to be as agitated, because you don't feel him as "fighting" you as much as just feeling really upset & powerless, or pissed off about a disappointment, or whatever. Stuff that makes sense.) No, it's not easy to be present with someone's big, messy feelings, but if we can get used to the concept of allowing them to HAVE their feelings, we can feel more stable in our reactions so we aren't feeling crazy or on our last nerve. The less you are sending a message of non-acceptance (that he's wrong to feel & express himself as he does) and "STOP!!", the less frustration from negation and invalidation he will carry (as "fuel" on top of the next upset/disappointment.) He will have less baggage.
at 6:17 PM on May. 4, 2011