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What did you do when your marriage hit a rocky spot?

I've been married 2 1/2 years, together 5ish..pretty much ever since we got married my hubby is more concerned doing his own things in all his spare time. He would rather be outside dinking around than doing anything with me. When we were dating we did everything together shopping/walking ect. now nothing. It's depressing to know that hubby doesn't want to ever do anything with me let alone ours 9 month old son. Idk what to do anymore. I've told him how I feel, couseling is out of the ? b/c we have no $ and he will never go. My ? is what should I do?? How long do you hang on when the other person doesn't seen to give a f*ck..:(

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Apr. 27, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • We went to counseling, but if you have no money you can often speak to your religous leader if you have one and they will counsel you for free. Besides that we had a lot of all night discussions about what we each wanted, lots of time to ourselves and lots of dates as well... trying to find a blend of solitude and togetherness that was helpful was key.
    Jaliceawrites

    Answer by Jaliceawrites at 11:58 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Talk to him. I would think that's the best place to start. Remind him why you married. Take a look at how you treat him, then see if he's just returning the gesture. Most partners will treat their partner how they treat them, so make it a point to kiss him, hug him, show him affection. If he doesn't return the affection then you know your answer.
    Communication is key. When you're marriage is young, and you have small children it can take a toll on you both. Maybe write him a letter about how you feel, if you think he doesn't want to hear what you have to say.. I know I don't have a lot to offer, but I do know that talking is what always works for us.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:00 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I never had this problem, but I can tell you that compromise is always a good thing. Tell him to split his time at least half way between you all and his friends, and if he refuses, then tell him that resentment from everyone involved will be the end result.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:59 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Maybe he wants to spend all his spare time alone because he's stressed out and needs that time to unwind. The only way to find out is to talk and talk and talk some more. I failed to let my husband know what was bothering me for a loooong time and resented him for things I failedto bring to his attention. It almost ruined our marriage because I did some drastic things which I regret. If I had only opened my mouth instead of assuming he should know. I would do whatever I could to get his attention and make him see my situation. That way if in the future it didn't work out,, at least you'd know you tried everything in your power. Best of luck to you two...having a little one is hard but it will get easier-I promise!!

    805doll

    Answer by 805doll at 12:59 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • What I did was buckle down and work through it. If you keep up the lines of communication, keep talking, try to find things to do that you both like, like a certain movie or tv series you only watch together or something, things will improve. He has to want it to work, of course. My DH and I have read books together, we have tv shows that we only watch together, and we like a lot of the same things- animals, farming, gardening, etc. You just have to find a common interest and work at your marriage. You guys got married for a reason, and the first 3 years or so are the hardest, I've found. I hope you can work it out!
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 12:04 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Communication is a must.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Try getting out and doing your own thing. As immature as it may sound he may think that you are "on hand" now. what I mean is if you keep showing him that you want to do things with him he may be in the frame of mind that he has all of the time in the world to do things with you. Play a little hard to get. Make plans without him. Go out and do your own thing and see if he says "Hey, can I come?"

    I hate games like that but sometimes they need to be played to get the point across.

    Good luck!
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 12:23 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • There is usually some type of free and/or subsidized counseling based on income...it just takes research. Have you tried planning things to do?, like maybe a family picnic in the park- or a date night (out or even at home after baby is in bed)? Try setting things up, and if he bails or shows no interest- than be blunt about your unhappiness. Good luck :)
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 12:33 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I think you're off to a good start by telling him how you feel, but men don't always know what to do with that information. They need directions, they need actions. Maybe talk to him again and tell him you are feeling like you used to do so much together and now nothing, and that you miss him and need his attention, too. Ask if the two of you can make some time to spend together, like a date, or just something you do a couple of night a week like going for a walk or watching a movie together, etc. Sometimes with men it helps to ask they do something specific, instead of "spend more time with me" you might have success with "let's watch a movie tomorrow at 8 when the baby is in bed." Ask him why he is dinking around so much- does he want time to himself, does he feel pressure to keep up the house/yard, etc? Remind him he needs to spend some time dinking around on his marriage, too, or if is going to be in bad shape. Good luck
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:36 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • If you have tried the best you can then there is really nothing you can do....I would try to talk to him one more time and tell him that if nothing changes then he can kiss you and your son goodbye....
    shelle21

    Answer by shelle21 at 12:43 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

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