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Am I being selfish?

So DH and I have been married for a little over a year. He feels that I am too attached to my family and says I need to give him a chance. We are very close (my family and I) and he has a great relationship with his. He feels like I am holding onto them and not him and he says I act like a baby (I am the baby). He claims he is not asking me to stop being their daughter but to be his wife. I thought I was. I am four months pregnant and now he wants me to make choice.

So Wuttayathink?

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nastalgia

Asked by nastalgia at 4:52 PM on Dec. 3, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • well its hard since we really don't know the details of what hes talking about.. but obviously it bothers him.. so fix it =) DONT ditch your family just give him more of what he wants.. more of a wife..?
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 4:54 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I think you should tell him he knew what you were like before you were married and you dont want to feel like you have to choose between the man you love and the family you love. And that with being pregnant most women do gravitate back to their family for support he might not be able to offer bc it isnt the same sort of relationship/support. I would also tell him it isnt very nice for him to ask you to cut out that side of your family to be with him. He has to accept you for you and eventually the baby also being involved with both sides of the family. And tell h im you would nevre ask him to choose.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:54 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I have this fight all the time with my husband yet it is the other way around. He is too attached to his mom and dad.

    GreenUtopia

    Answer by GreenUtopia at 4:57 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I am very close to my family and find myself in the same situations when I am with someone. To make it work as hard as it was for my family, my son and me, I made scheduled times to go over and spend time with them in my last relationship. You can't choose...you need to spend time with both because your family will be there for you when you need them and you shouldn't put them aside to only make him happy. You both need to be happy and being with your family makes you happy too. Maybe you need to talk to him about setting days where you can go over there and not have him make you feel guilty.
    ProudMom_5703

    Answer by ProudMom_5703 at 4:57 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • HE is your life now. You don't need to cut ties with your family but you do need to a little bit. In some cultures women are brought up knowing that their life with their family was only to last so long until they got married and then their husband was their family. jmo
    MarlyeGirl

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 4:57 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • He hasn't asked me to cut them off. He feels like my main concern is them. He says he's not secure that he can have his own family with me. He is big on family. I think he is a good man and we have dealt with our share of blows from my people. We have given ours also. But he just wants to know that my main concern is him and our baby and not anyone else. How do I do that without making enemies with anyone?

    Wuttayathink?
    nastalgia

    Answer by nastalgia at 4:58 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • When you make a committment to be married you then create a family with your husband. I am not saying cut ties with your family yet you need depend on the majority of your emotional support, not so much your family. For example, don't be asking the opinion of your family on what to name your baby (if they like the name or not), that should be only between you and your husband. Being close to your family is certainly a blessing, just always keep your husband first and foremost as your family.
    candygirl1030

    Answer by candygirl1030 at 5:01 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • You shouldn't have to choose between DH and your family. That being said I don't know the whole situation so it's hard to say what's right. Does he feel welcomed by your family? You said you are close to yours and he is close to his, maybe you both need to work on becoming close with the other side? Just a thought.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 5:44 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • When two adults chose to join into the commitment that is marriage they need to lay aside their single lives and learn to rely on each other. You don't need to abandon your family, but you do need to put your marriage and husband first. Children need both a mother and father that put their marriage above their individual wants and desires.
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 6:13 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Does he want you to come to him with thoughts, feelings, concerns instead of them first, or putting their thoughts on the matter above his? When it comes to family functions are you demanding that you go to your families but not his? It's sometimes hard for people to learn how to work the family situations. I've been married 15 years and I still want to go see mine, he wants to see his, so we compromise. Both of my parents are deceased and his Mom is deceased so we've learned the lesson early that all family is import, I respect his love and closeness to his and he does with mine. Not knowing what problems you're talking about, that's the best I can offer.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:56 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

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