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2 Bumps

Please explain this too me

What is up with the answers to questions about our teens saying "dont tell them no" "dont push them"... isnt that like saying dont parent your kid?

WTH?!

I guess it is the changing times but I parent to TEACH my child, to GUIDE my child, not to tip toe around them, not to be their bff, it is my job to draw that line in the sand.

If you are SO afraid to actually discipline your child because you think they will go off the deep end... you have already screwed up. What ever happened to actually parenting a teen????

 

 

ok... sorry... rant is over.

I really am interested in hearing WHY someone would suggest NOT drawing the line in the sand.  

I shoud say Im all for talking things out, some compromise IF the child is only a hint off and is trustworthy and respectful.  But when I say NO... it means NO.  There ARE consequences for NOT following family rules.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Apr. 27, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (16)
  • Kudos!!!! BUMP!
    GomezMami2908

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 2:40 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I'm with you...I never get that. My son dated a girl in high school whose mother told me she had the same rules I did. But when her 15 year old daughter and my son sneaked out and met up after we were in bed. My son was grounded and lost his cell phone, but she told me..."Well, she's not allowed to do that, but if I punish her then she may runaway."

    What the heck? If you don't punish her...you don't have rules and she knows it!! Luckily, that relationship didn't last long. My son is now 21 and with a lovely, intelligent, well mannered girl that I adore!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:40 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I think too many parents are more concerned with being their teen's friend instead of their parent.
    SleepyCupcake

    Answer by SleepyCupcake at 2:40 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • In agreement with you, totally. Teens are not adults. They often make very poor choices. They are still in need of solid parenting.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 2:40 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I agree, I am a parent not my children's best friend
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 2:41 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I discipline my child but I don't make him follow my decisions because he has to learn to think for himself and make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. Parents can still parent while giving their children the freedom to explore the world and make decisions themselves. How else are they going to learn to live in the world without us telling them what to do.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:48 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I wholeheartedly agree! My kids have all the friends they need ... I am a parent ... hear me roar!!!!!!

    All I can say from what I have witnessed in friends and family is that parents are more concerned with being their teen's friend than actual parenting them, some are deathly afraid to be the "bad guy" and others, well, I just have no explanation for some of what I've seen. I mean, one of my girlfriends wants to teach her son the value of money so she constantly gives him some, thinking he'll learn by seeing how quickly it goes. What she doesn't get is that he all he's learned is that mom and dad are his personal ATM machine!!!!! And the really annoying part is how she's constantly venting to me about how much the kid needs to grow up! Well, look in the mirror, honey!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • tyfry7496... do you have ANY rules ANY consequences.
    "I dont make my child follow my decisions" so why are you making decisions?
    Do you have any rules? If he woke up and decided he didnt want to finish h.s. you would just go along? If he wanted to smoke pot in his room you would just go along? If he wanted to live off you until he was in his 30s you would just go along?

    please clarify.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:52 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I'm with you...I keep three rules in my house for my teens: Stay Safe, Keep in Touch and Be Respectful. They pretty much encompass enough to keep the boundaries I've set and allow them to make their choices and guide themselves. For example the rule is Stay Safe my son has the option to go to a party; he has to tell me when, where and with who along with contact info. Then he can make the choice based on the information he has whether its a safe choice to go or not. (Of course if I know better based on the info the answer is no). The goal is that I've given them enough boundaries, guidance and support that with these three rules they can make smart choices. It works really well for us, because it does leave some of the decisions in their hands but I'm there to step in when it looks like a bad call. (Hence Keep in Touch)
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 3:20 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I think there's a difference between setting rules and making decisions for a teen. Obviously there's also a big difference between a 13 and 17 year old. Can my kid smoke pot or drop out of high school? Absolutely not. But can I tell my kid what college to go to, or what job to take? No. I'm guessing those are the things tyfry was getting at. Along with the fact that you have to give your kid some chances to fail or make mistakes before they are out of the house. I think it's a really fine line and a tough call. You can be super strict but then there's the chance the kid will get to college and go hog wild. If they've never been allowed out past 11 they might start staying out until 4 am every night. If you look over their homework until they graduate, do they really learn to be self reliant, or are they at risk for slacking off when no one is checking on them daily? I think it's really tough to parent teens and balance it all
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 8:36 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

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