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I think everything has just come to a head

I have a good marriage and children. I live a comfortable distance from my extended family that has been in all honesty deteriorting for many years. My parents divorced when I was a teen. My father was and remains an emotionaly absent parent, my mother was loving on one end and then emotioanly and verbally abusive (very controlling) on the other end of the spectrum. Lucky me I have a sibling who was/remains an addict and who has and continues to suck up every moment of my mothers life. She has put herself in a desperate situation to try and help my sibling just this "one last time". There is always another last time! My father has cut off all contact with everyone. Hollidays are the hardest. While my husband is surrounded by siblings, aunts, grandparents I have absolutely no one from my side. Yes my focus is on my children but I admit I have my moments where it really hurts. My mother relies on me and she expects me to listen to all her daily stress and tears over the contant drama associated with my sibling. From time to time she has become angry with me over my sibling. She seems to get angry when I talk with this person. She wants all the information to come from her. Lately she is starting to sound more like her old abusive self again. I'm sooooo glad I don't live around all this! I am pissed off that all my life I was the good kid and all of my life I have been pushed to the side over my siblings addiction. My sibling gets all the attention. Funny how that works! I am supposed to be the nice one who keeps eating sh*t. I'm not angry at the addict in my family. I am angry at being ignored! I have made a nice life for myself despite ever have much support from them. I don't want to be this person anymore who is: "Oh she's such a good kid....thanks for listening to me...and taking my abuse." My Mother wants the luxury of blabing in my ear non-stop over my siblings life and somehow she expects me to just believe everything she says. Apparantly she thinks she knows their life better than they do! I am so sick of this taking up my time and energy. I deserve to be happy. No more.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Apr. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • i think maybe you need to take a break from her and step away from it. then maybe she will realize that she had a good thing in confiding in you and maybe miss the talks. If not then you were better off w/o her.And as much as it hurts at least you have your husbands family and maybe you can become close to his mom? Having a nice chat with someone else and talking about things other than the addiction might help you out. I hope this helps
    amberpaiz

    Answer by amberpaiz at 3:46 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I have to agree with Amberpaiz. Seems like giving yourself a little breathing room is definitely in order. I am currently in a similar situation. Your mother needs to appreciate that you did so much on your own. Have you tried to just sit down one on one with your mom and talk to her about the situation? Perhaps you should do a lunch date and tell her ahead of time that you dont want to talk about your sibling. I hope everything works out!
    AustinsMommyMI

    Answer by AustinsMommyMI at 4:53 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • They may be you family, but they are adults and responsible for their own lives.
    If they aren't where the love and support is, go where you are wanted, not used.
    MyMyOhMy

    Answer by MyMyOhMy at 8:39 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

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