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Non-Supportive Friends

I've been having a hard time with things these past few months. I have been having personal issues with family and that has caused me to feel very stressed and overwhelmed and just down in the dumps.

I've noticed that when I talk with friends and am asked how things are going with me, I'll simply respond with "not great" or "could be better" and it's looked over like I never said anything. They then just go on talking about things in their lives not even seeming to care.

I've never been one to force myself on people, just figuring if they wanted to hear about how I'm really doing or about my day, they would do more than the initial polite salutations......I have yet to have ever gotten a "I'm here for you, tell me about it." That is what I do when I get responses like that from them because I want to be supportive of my friends.

So, needless to say, I never tell anyone about things that I am going through and I'm left feeling like I'm a friend to everyone but no one is a friend to me. All I want is a friend that actually cares about what's really happening with me, not just one that is satisfied with the outer layer that I show to everyone else.

Is it wrong of me to want them to ask about it instead of me just spilling my guts up?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:01 PM on Apr. 27, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Hon, nobody is a mind reader, if you don't offer anything some might think they shouldn't pry, open up to your friends and see what happens.

    Answer by older at 4:03 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I think if they were real friends they could pick up on your answer and ask you what is wrong.

    Answer by meooma at 4:14 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • So many good responses to this question!!! I agree with the positive/negative spirit you may be projecting. I think most people are the same. If someone is always "not good" "been better" "I'm so sick" - then, I'm not too sure I want to be around them, much less give them an opening to provide details. My DH can be like that - I love him to death - but I can't stand the moaning and groaning!
    So, if you need to get it off your chest, just talk to someone, cry on their shoulder - whatever you want to call it, I think you take the step and figure out which one is most trustworthy and flat out ask them if you can dump on them because you are having an awful time and need a shoulder to cry on. Then, tuck the uckies in the back of your mind for a while and do something fun and heart pounding!

    Answer by mrslabel at 4:16 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I have a friend who is always negative and I feel like it is an obligation having to talk to her because of how negative she is all the time. I try to pick happy topics and she will find a way to make them sound depressing.. try happier topics or try to find a different way to bring your feelings up that isn't so negative.

    Guy code: you don't offer, they don't ask. Many people are adopting this now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I'm not sure about your situation, but do you ever say anything uplifting or good to your friends? This might be totally opposite of your problem, I had a friend once who NEVER had anything good to say. So when I would ask her how she was feeling & she'd say "not great," I would totally ignore it. I seriously can't remember one time she ever said she was good or happy. I'm sure this sounds awful, but I can't be around people who are down all the time. Maybe your friends have that same feeling?

    Answer by SleepyCupcake at 4:06 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I sometimes feel this way -- and those feelings only make me feel worse! I agree with what older said in that no-one is a mind-reader -- perhaps you could expand a little on your feelings when they ask how you are doing? Ex -- They ask, "How are you today?" -- You respond -- "I've had better days ... do you have aminute? I would love to get this off my chest." Wouldn't hurt to try -- right?

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 4:07 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Its hard to say not knowing everything that is going on in your life right now. It could just be that they don't want to hear anything negative because they might be on a whole different page than you. What I would suggest is finding a good support system like joining a group. After I had my baby I went through a lot of postpartum depression (I'm not saying you have this) and I joined a postpartum support group, I met a lot of great friends there that I still keep in touch with to this day. Every week I looked forward to going to that group because I knew there were compassionate people listening to me, offering their support and most of the people I met had gone through the same thing and others were over the "hump" so they had good advice to offer.

    Answer by kittymom83 at 4:17 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • It's probably because you never come right out and say what's bothering you and never complain like they do and they are used to you listening to there problems, your right if they are your friends they should pick up on that something is bothering you when you make those comments about how your feeling, but some ppl are just one sided when it comes to things. I would advise you to say something or it can cause a big deal in your friendship and they will know from now on.

    Answer by ttk2 at 4:32 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Don't expect any one to run with you changing the greeting ritual. It you want to chat with them about what is bothering you, tell them outright.

    Answer by MyMyOhMy at 8:03 PM on Apr. 27, 2011