Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Have you ever been told your emotionally draining or hight maintainance?

i was told this today and SO basically said that of all the girls he's dated, and that's a lot, I am the one who needs constant reassurance the most (which i am oblivious to and don't see) and who calls him to hang out a lot.
it almost made me feel like he was saying im needy in a nice way. he is the one living with me, and i do have a lot to offer, but i am more the introverted type that likes to have few close friends rather than being extroverted, out in the open and always introducing myself. i am more reserved and rather hang out with one person (my best friend which is him) preferably all the time.
does this mean we are not compatible?
or does it mean i should try to be more social and open to others, or both?
im just not that way, and i don't want to change. I do not think i should have to.
it is ruining our relationship since he always wants to hang with others but all i want is him. i dont have many girlfriends that live in my city because they have all moved.
i am bipolar also, do you think this has anything to do with my tendency to be "emotionally draining".

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:18 PM on Apr. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • If it's ok with him, you can get to know his friends.

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 6:21 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • yes

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:31 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I have been called both spoiled and high maintenance. My answer was that I am well taken care of...

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 6:49 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I can relate a little bit, my SO has called me high maintenance in the sense it takes a lot for me to be happy, which isn't totally true, he's just used to women putting in all the relationship effort and him not so much. Being bipolar definitely would affect that, I imagine. Is there any way you two can compromise? Maybe you could also find a hobby to occupy some time, and give him a little space. Men usually like women who are somewhat independent, emotionally even. Doesn't mean he shouldn't recognize your desires and feelings, but I'd try to find a way where you both compromise. Good luck :)

    Answer by lexi8622 at 7:35 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I'm low maint... Self supporting, self entertaining.
    I don't want much and what I want, I tell him.

    Answer by MyMyOhMy at 7:50 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I think bipolar could be contributing to it. I have depression, anxiety and PMDD and I know that adds a layer of emotion and stress on our relationship, and I know bipolar can be harder to deal with.

    Aside from that, though, it sounds like maybe he's just more independent than you are? Not that there's anything wrong with you. By independent I simply mean that it sounds like he prefers to do more by himself or with friends. Some people make their relationship kind of the center of their world, while others look at it more as a sideline kind of spaghetti and garlic bread. You think of your relationship as spaghetti, while he considers it to be the garlic bread - it enhances the spaghetti.

    It's up to you whether or not you want to try being more social and changing who you are and how you live. If you're content with yourself and your life, then he would need to accept you as you are.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:59 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I think being introverted and reserved is OK. But when I hear emotionally draining, bi polar, and high maintenance in one question, a warning bell goes off in my head. Maybe you are. Maybe you are all the things he says. I don't know cause I don't know you. But I am introverted and reserved and no man has ever called me those things. I think the things he is saying are fairly serious and you may want to consider that there might be some truth in it from his point of view. Ask him to give specific examples. Just saying introverted is not enough. Just saying reserved is not enough.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 8:39 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • i do think i am high maintainance, just because when there's an issue i must talk about it, i can't just forget about it.
    emotionally draining is a bummer tho.. he puts an effort in making new friends so much since he's not from here that if i just want to go out , he sees that as effort on his part and thats what makes it draining for him. the weird thing is i buy. it is unfortunate that he is willing to put in effort towards others, but not towards the relationship, i just dont get that.
    i have plenty of hobbies, but your right, i put them off since my favorite thing to do is be with him, no matter what we are doing.
    i have been playing musical instruments since i was very young so of course i always go back to composing and playing music.
    it seems that whenever i DO play tho, he wants me to stop and says im not giving him attention. so then i stop and its a vicous cycle
    i will just keep doing what i do best. music

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:01 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • No, it's okay that you had different friends with your man now. That's freedom-you had your associations. Refresh your self with a countryside walk-there you can talk/fellowhip with the GOD on high-feel satisfy..and be happy! Enjoy what is for your day!

    Answer by Sew-sun at 8:48 PM on May. 4, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.