Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

He's 19 - she is 17 (almost 18)

They've been off and on for 2 years. He signed up for the military - left in sept - she discovers she is preg. HE CANNOT GARUANTEE HE WILL BE HERE FOR THE BIRTH so now her whole family is all over FB saying how he doesn't want to be a dad, he's a dick, he's a douche.

I am his mom. I have been fighting myself all day to NOT get into this FB drama - or any of the drama. I talk with the girl; I assure her I am here for her.

Her mom is threatening to have him kicked out of the military (where would that leave the child as far as child support NOW (not when he can find a job) and full insurance?)

She also admitted to me when she first thought she was pg that she had selpt with her x around the same time....so WE (my family) aren't sure this is HIS kid...but I have still been a friend to her!

I'm not saying my son is an angel - far from it. But she knew he was going in the military and continued on with him. She knew his life plan is 20 yrs in!

I don't know how to handle this anymore....I don't know what to say to him - he is so upset; overwhelmed; and panicked.

If you want to bash away go ahead....I just really needed to get this out...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:01 PM on Apr. 27, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (15)
  • They cant have him thrown out because he got her pregnant. You can probably prove he wants to be there but cant because he is serving. He isnt the first or last man this has happened to. Just keep your chin up. I would call the parents and explain to them you dont appreciate the bad mouthing and will be printing out everything they say from now on in case you need it in the future. If it is his child and this is the measure of her family I would threaten to file for custody using their own words against them.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:03 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Wow that is a little harsh for someone who is serving his country. It is probably already hard enough on him just knowing he may not be there they are just making him feel like garbage because of it.
    sweetdragoness

    Answer by sweetdragoness at 7:09 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Can you screen print all the pages that they have been saying bad things about him in case he has to go to court. That should be considered slander. How is any of their bad mouthing helping the situation at hand? A lot of military miss the births of their children. It does not make them any less interested in being a parent. I hope he is planning on having a dna test too.
    momto1girl3boys

    Answer by momto1girl3boys at 7:10 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • What would they have him do at this point not report? NO! NOT an option. Stay out of the drama I imagine emotions are running high right now. Continue to be supportive and continue to encourage your son to be supportive as he can while he is still here. If it doesn't calm down then suggest you all get together to discus what can be done. What it is exactly they expect. What he really can do. What you can do and try to find the middle ground. As has already been mentioned soldier miss their children's birth all the time. It seems a little unfair at times I'm sure but they are doing what they can do and it certainly makes then no less of a father.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 7:19 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Yes I kknow we should get together but her mom is a bit....unstable. She got in a fist fight over a fender bender a few months ago.

    One of them posted he does not deserve to serve this country if he can't serve his child. AND at that comment I want to go...unstable :)

    I was a military wife and no they CANT be at everything! Heck even in the civilian world it is not guaranteed he would make it to the hospital in time. My bil is construction worker and he mised the birth by 2 minutes, due to message delays, traffic!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:25 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • her family sounds like idiots. i would offer her to come live with you if it's possible.
    i have a good friend in the air force, they let him have a couple of days to come when his son was born and at training he got weekends off. but his family was in ft worth, so boot camp in san antonio was only 5 hrs away and training was in witchita falls 3 hrs.

    how could she get him kicked out?

    good luck with everything
    ilovemymonsterr

    Answer by ilovemymonsterr at 7:26 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Keep being the better person. YOU know how it is, being a military wife. DO NOT respond to their BS, you're better than that. Continue to keep an open dialog with your son's girlfriend and make sure she know how you feel and what you plan to do.

    The biggest mistake I've found that happens in relationships (mine included) it a lack of communication, or just plain miscommunication.

    GOOD LUCK!!!
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 7:32 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Be the mature adult in the situation
    SCOOKIH

    Answer by SCOOKIH at 9:49 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Keep doing as you are doing - staying out of it. Your son should keep doing as he is doing and after the baby is born - INSIST on a PATERNITY TEST!!! If she was sleeping around and it might not be his - MAKE SURE FIRST!! THEN GO FROM THERE!!! Make sure she does NOT put him down as the father unless he IS the father!

    Let her family look like the giant asses on this one.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:33 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • My dh just joined the Air Force and as I understand it they can't kick him out because of that. If I were him though I'd talk to my commanding officer to let him know that the possibility of a child exists. That way they can see that he is being responsible about it and all that. Although I don't know-maybe it would be better after a paternity test. As for her family...unless it's said to your face I would just let it go. They aren't worth the fight and facebook drama. If they're really bothering him he can have them blocked from his profile so that he doesn't have to live with their drama-ness. You can do the same if they're on your facebook as well.
    GodsAmiga

    Answer by GodsAmiga at 11:05 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN