Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Is it fair to suddenly change the way you act in a relationship?

My s/o never goes out and suddenly he wants to hang out with guys. Says he's a social creature (after a year on not being) and I'm stuck at home with the kids while he acts like hes single...I say no fair!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Apr. 27, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • It's fair if he lets you go out NEXT weekend while he stays home with the kids. Try it, sometimes it's nice to let your hair down with no husband & kids.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:43 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I can and only will share my personal thoughts.

    First, people do change after marriage. People change in general as time passes, that changing does not stop just because one chooses to marry. The key is that the marriage must change and evolve with the 2 people in that marriage. If he wants to become more social again, then the two of you must work together, to come to a compromise that is not just livable one but also a happy one for both of you to live with. That's a big part of marriage, compromising and growing together. Work out a compromise.

    In regards to "Fairness" there is no such thing in regards to marriage, or life really. What is "fair" to one is usually "unfair" to the other in some way, shape or form. It is impossible to have uniformed across the board fairness in a marriage. That's another reason why happy , livable compromises are very important in order to have a mutually happy and healthy marriage.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:47 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Some changes can't be helped. People grow and learn and change is a natural part of that process. Whether or not it's fair really isn't the point. The question is, can you live with the changes in your partner? You have to look at what kind of life you want for yourself and your relationship and see if what you want to do and what he wants to do is compatible to the kind of life you want. If it is, then don't worry about the changes. If it isn't, then you need to do some evaluating and talking and figure out if it's possible to compromise so that it is compatible, or if you need to admit that the relationship isn't going to meet either of your needs any longer and move on. Have you asked him why he suddenly wants to go out all the time? I'd start there, since his answers will likely guide the conversation from there on, and help you figure out what's going on and how both of you can live with it.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:53 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • No its not fair at all. I would tell him that. I get he wants to go out.... however you deserve a break as well!!
    annabelle092810

    Answer by annabelle092810 at 7:43 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • But the thing is that I don't want to go out. I'm past all that crap. I'm way to be to be running the town and what exactly isn't he getting here that he's not at home? That I don't get? Someone help me understand I'm taking this so personally.It's like I,m inadequate
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:46 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • He might have felt before that he shouldn't go out for some reason. Like he is obliIated to be home with the family maybe. I get that way sometimes. That or he might be having a life crisis lol. But you should be able to go out too. Things have to be equal.
    ladyb155

    Answer by ladyb155 at 7:46 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • too old^
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:47 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Get a sitter, take turns, talk with him about how to make it work for both of you.
    MyMyOhMy

    Answer by MyMyOhMy at 7:47 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I agree no fair! So it's time to spice it up a bit for him so he isn't seeking the companions of his buddies. Or better yet, make him do kid duty, like cub scotting, captain of the kids sports, have more couple functions...think outside of the box, make it fun as well for you to be included. Weekend family picnic's. Doll yourself up when he comes home. Friday night, family nite...out or in pizza...and movie night..include other couples and their kids. He sounds like home life is getting boring and nagging....spruce it up...ain't fair, but if you want to keep the man home, you gotta give him reasons. Also once a week....after kiddies asleep...give him a warm bath, and cuddle in bed and see where that goes....Best of luck to you mama....it may even get you in the mood. csjoy1
    csjoy1

    Answer by csjoy1 at 5:32 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Nope, not fair. I was a married single mom for 10 years while my EX ran around like a free man.
    1smartcookie

    Answer by 1smartcookie at 3:00 PM on Apr. 28, 2011