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Becoming stepmom

Hi! I'm 26 and I'm about to become a step-mom and I don't know exactly what to do. The mother is still in the picture sort-of for example she will have the youngest who is 3 and is a girl while we work but constantly text us wanting to get rid of her. The mother will also have the 6 year old (girl) and the 3 year old every other weekend so me and my fiance can have a weekend to ourselves but we have to go pick them up usually on that Saturday night because the mother can't stand them. The girls like to see their mom and be with her but don't have any fun with her and the mom doesn't always want to see the girls. When the girls come back from seeing their mom they always act out because their mom told them to do so. I need advice on what to do and how to act when this is happening b/c i want them to see their mom but only if they want to b/c they don't always have fun their and she leaves them with other people.

Answer Question
 
vixenkb03

Asked by vixenkb03 at 9:11 PM on Apr. 27, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • You have to be strict and let the kids know that they need to behave in your home, not matter what their mother says. Eventually they will figure her out.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 9:13 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I agree with first poster. They just need to learn that your rules are your rules and hers is hers. It'll take some time and some talking with them, but they'll figure it out. We get my step-son every other weekend (if we're lucky bc mother withholds him sometimes) and he has a problem with acting out especially if we had to skip a weekend for some reason. We just have to remind him of our rules and that if he can't act right then he can't play outside with the other two kids, can't have dessert, or etc... If nothing else tell them if they can't act right when they come home they can't go (as long as its not court ordered that she get them). Also, I would consider putting 3yr old in daycare a couple days a week that way its not to expensive, but at the same time your not having to deal with mother as much!!!
    ramita

    Answer by ramita at 9:22 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Well I hate to be negative but just because the kids dont have fun is no reason to keep them from their mom. My kids dont always have fun with me either. However, the fact that she is constantly trying to get rid of them could be a sign that you could start withdrawing them some and she wouldnt care. I just hope the people she leaves them with are responsible. That would be my biggest worry. Sit down with them and explain how the rules go at your house and that there will be consequences if those rules are not followed. I would not make skipping time with mom a punishment though because that could cause them to act out intentionally if they dont prefer to be there. Good luck with all this.
    alligurl186

    Answer by alligurl186 at 9:36 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

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