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Another Baby?

Need Advice on how to handle my situation. When i became pregnant at 20 my DH and I had discussed how we wanted 2 children for sure possibly 3. We also had decided that 2 years apart would be perfect. Well my DS is now 2 years and 4 months old. I am not pregnant, nor is a pregnancy in the near future for me. Why you ask? Well my DH all of a sudden decided he didn't want another right now, and he didn't know when he would even be ready to have another one. It took me a long time for him to even say he wanted another one, just not knowing when. We just married in August and this hadn't been realized until after i married him. I don't regret marrying him, but i am very worried that our views for family are different now. It hurts me to think i may never have another baby, and that my DS will grow up with now siblings! :( How do i cope with this, or do you think im being selfish?

Answer Question
 
Xtina0828

Asked by Xtina0828 at 9:14 PM on Apr. 27, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 6 (148 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Tell him how u feel. And find out the reason why he changed his mind?
    angelrach86

    Answer by angelrach86 at 9:16 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • This is a hard one. I only have 1 kid and I thought it was always going to be that way. Now she is 14 and I'm working on getting pg. Good luck.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 9:16 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • My dh never wanted kids (found out later it was his fear of thinking he wasnt capable of reproducing) well I came into the relationship with a kid and he was great with that and said we could go without any others and that would be perfect. 3 months after we got married I got pregnant and was afraid to tell him because I knew he didnt want more kids. He was SOOO EXCITED!!! Well after the drama I went to with my second pregnancy he said never again would we go through that. 2 was enough. HEEHEE I am 18 wks pregnant and he is so thrilled that we have a chance at our little girl again. However we both agree that this time he will get fixed. I say all that to say that he may say and mean different things and I think men often do not want something until they are getting it and they get happy.
    alligurl186

    Answer by alligurl186 at 9:26 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • You are giving us a very small piece of the overall picture. Can you (really) afford another child, do you have space for another child, do you have time for another child? If you have not answered all these questions with a "yes," you need to consider that his position may be correct.

    blueberry1

    Answer by blueberry1 at 9:32 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • I am a SAHM, so time isn't a factor! As for space and money yes, i do believe that we have enough of both! I grew up being happy with what we have, and it seems like he wants to be glamored and glorified and that's not how i was raised.
    Xtina0828

    Comment by Xtina0828 (original poster) at 9:36 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • it sounds to me like he is feeling overwhelmed and parenthood is a lot harder than he thought it was going to be. i think when you discuss how many kids, etc. you have to keep in mind that is an ideal situation. sometimes things change. there are factors that you don't thinkabout until you're actually there. i would just sit him down and let him tell you what's going on. it maybe that he just feels he can't handle more kids right now, but that doesn't really mean forever. sometimes things change a little...no plan is set in stone. you can't let it be the end of the world though. that will only make it worse (especially if you keep harping on it or nagging....that will put a strain on your relationship.) just wait for him to be ready....if the situation were reversed you would want him to show you the same respect.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:38 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

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