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Future Inlaws dont accept me?

My fiance's family has become very nasty towards me over the last 5 months. I have heard his brother speaking bad about me to his girlfriend and I have never even had a conversation with him since my fiance and I met. His mother is a complete b*tch to me she calls me all sorts of names has called the cops on me, files false police reports and so on. My fiance even began staying with me in my apartment, because his mom and brother are living in his house making his life a complete hell and he doesnt want to be bothered. His mom will call him and ask him to bring her food when she has a car, and his brother is at home, just to do it. She calls his phone back to back and even mines after he has told her time and time not to. His parents tell him hes is not being loyal to his family and refer to me as an outsider when they speak of me. When he tells them we are going to get married, they try to discourage him, and say bad things about me. His mom has even befriended his ex. My family is very accepting and has never said this and everytime their around ask about our wedding plans. I'm just unsure if we should marry if his family thinks its okay to act like this. They all give me hell and my family knows about this but dont treat my fiance any different. I dont understand.

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Asked by thelovelymzbre at 12:58 AM on Apr. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,326 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • As long as your fiance is backing you up, don't allow his family to ruin your relationship or wedding plans.

    Answer by CallMeAngie at 1:03 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • My sister is barely civil to my husband, and we've been together for 10 years. Needless to say, we don't have much to do with her.

    It is extremely liberating to cut soul-sucking people out of your life, even for a little while!

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 1:07 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • What is their problem?? Has anything ever happened between you and his mom? It almost seems that the brother is acting that way out of loyalty to his mom. And why are they living at his house? He should talk to his mom about this. If you're his fiancee, then you are his family now. His mother should be happy that he's found someone that treats him well. He should absolutely be taking your side on all of this. There needs to be some type of common ground in this situation. If his family isnt willing to try, then it speaks volumes about who they are as human beings!

    Answer by AustinsMommyMI at 1:10 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • you and your BF have to live for ya'll. If his family doesn't like you then oh well... your not sleeping with them and as for mom she can either get her own food,or get that boy of hers that lives with her to go get it. She is seeing that her other boy is growing up into a man and DOESN'T need her permisson to be happy. She is losing control of his life and doesn't like it. Maybe where he has always done for her and now she has became 2nd. Its up to him to break theties with his own family. but YOU do not have to submit yourself to the harrassment. BLOCK their #'s from your phone, don't hang out at their house and don't go places that they are at... If they want to continue to be ugly then have the wedding with your family. Do dinners with your family. His with either come around or stay away.. but BF has to put his foot down. all you can do is stay away from the drama. Good luck

    Answer by kkbird at 1:11 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Your marrying HIM not his family....rise above it she prolly just is gripping control and being a biotch cause she doesn't want to lose her son she sees you as threatening.She is only being selfish and hurting him but that's prolly why its going on. The more serious it gets the more distant she feels your subsequently making her. As far as the brother he could be a mamas boy idk....I'd say have a real conversation with her and say let's cut the crap and really get down to why this is happening...tell her that you know how happy her son makes her and that you know you could never replace her. If starting fresh doesn't pan out screw it atleast you were the bigger don't give him any ultimatums its not fair just know he has enough love and time to go around and shouldn't be put in the middle

    Answer by Anastacia1988 at 1:14 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I for one can relate, but first let me start by saying if you guys really love each-other in time it will fade. I mean the way his family treats you. I am 29 years old. I met the father of my three girls when I was 18, he was the love of my life, my best friend, my soul mate, but his family could not stand me especially his mom and the oldest of his sisters. It would take for ever to go into detail of our relationship but after 2 years it got real extreme and made the family tension even worse. It was so bad they took my girls from me and put me in jail twice, but like I said true love and time always works in mysterious ways. I now live with his father and 2 sisters, his mom passed 2 years ago and which we had a wonderful relationship before she went. Weird how that ended up, but all I can suggest is just be yourself try not to let it get to you and most importantly don't let it affect your relationship.

    Answer by crystle6929 at 1:17 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Your marrying him not his family. My father inlaw and step mother inlaw dont like me (husbands mom passed away) and my mom and dad dont like my husband. Who cares, we have our own family now and we so dont need them.

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 1:33 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Your future in-laws are the ones with the problems. Sounds like you're doing a good job handling them. Continue to ignore their awful behavior. Make sure before you actually get married you share your thoughts and feelings about the situation with your fiance and that he is fully aware and supportive. If they call on the phone, just answer whatever they want politely or else change your number, screen your calls, etc. As far as talking about you or badly to you, keep ignoring it. It's not worth it. "Kill them with kindness." Don't go overboard nor feel you have to kiss ass, but be polite and as positive as you can and show them you are better than them. Address their nasty complaints by saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and other such phrases. They have to deal with their consciences and so do you. At least yours will be "clean." Good luck!

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:39 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • He needs to set boundaries in his relationship with his mom and brother. When you get married are you moving in with all of them? I think you should resolve this issue before getting married. You're not just marrying him, you're marrying his family too! If he can't say no to them than you're going to be the bad guy. Of course they don't like you, you're derailing the gravy train!

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 8:59 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

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