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Marriage Question

Without a good sex life is a marriage doomed? Does it matter if you are good mother, listener, supporter, ect. If the sex life isn't great, is it over?

I feel like men, well maybe just my husband, doesn't matter about the other things that make our marriage great, he just focuses on the fact that our sex life is complicated.

It's very 80/20, isn't it?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:11 AM on Apr. 28, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • forme its more than about the sex. It's the love, devotion, honesty, closeness, the ability to be able to communicate about any and all things. Sex helps but its not the main factor. the family time and one on one time we share. Can you talk and see if you can spice up the sex life with something new or erotic. ?? blind fold him and use flavored heating oils etc...

    Answer by kkbird at 1:16 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • (continued)

    Because sex isn't just about orgasm or release. It's not just physical. It's spiritual as well. It's two people connecting and communicating on a very intimate level. In a healthy relationship, sex is an expression of love. I put my whole self into sex with my husband, because my whole self loves all of him. Both parties need to know that they are loved, that they are desired, that they are cherished and adored, and sex is one way of expressing that.


    Answer by Mousuke at 1:28 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • People tend to focus on aspects of a situation that aren't ideal, it's human nature.

    What's the complication? Is it something temporary (such as an illness or pregnancy) or something more permanent (such as PTSD)? Can you two discuss the issues and come to a meeting of the minds? Whatever else is going on, you two are a team, and approaching problems as a team may make working on them easier.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 7:32 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Every marriage has complications, ups and downs in all areas, even sex. Nothing is 50/50, but as long as you're getting 20% of his effort 80% of the time, consider yourself lucky!

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 1:14 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • alot of people say sex dont have nothing to do with a relationship but in my eyes it plays a big part!!!!! I know I dated men that wasnt so good in bed and it didnt become more than what we did. The person could be kool as hell but if the sex is not good your relationship can become of many problems. think about it he or you would start looking else where for that pleasure, r one of you want be turn on very long, and you might feel like what the hell is really going on.....

    Answer by mystery8307 at 1:22 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Coming from a women who has the almost perfect husband yes. I say hes almost perfect bc 3 months ago he txted his ex girlfriend after taking her # from my ph which is totally out of character for him. He nvr tlks to ne women and is nvr around them plus hes seriously a good man ask ne1. So this is what happens when u dont pay any attention to your marriage. And sadly I flirted w 1 of my exes 2 bc both my husband and I got so wrapped up in our kids we 4got we had a marriage that needed attention and we were so desperate that we stooped that low. Good thing is that it opened our eyes up and its like we fell n love all over again.

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 1:23 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • He should stop and consider why its complicated. It wont improve until you feel comfortable, appreciated and accepted. As long as there is this feeling of resentment, things will only continue to get worse.

    Answer by AustinsMommyMI at 1:23 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Ah, this is a complicated question.

    While sex is not the be-all-end-all in marriage, it is very important nonetheless. I'm sure others will disagree with me, but I think it's crucial for your marriage to include a sex life.

    I didn't say a frequent sex life--just A sex life. That is, one that keeps both partners happy in terms of quantity and quality.

    I am a believer that, when things are good in the bedroom, things will be good outside of the bedroom, and that if things are good outside of the bedroom, then they will be good in the bedroom. It's a cycle of good.

    Conversely, when things are bad in the bedroom, it carries over to daily life. Resentment, bitterness, arguments, insecurity--it continues outside of the bedroom...and when those negative things are present outside of the bedroom, you bet they are going to replicated in the bedroom as well.

    Answer by Mousuke at 1:25 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I'm not sure I understand this- is it complicated for you, or on his side? What is the complication? As far as sex, my S/O once told me that he would love me no matter what when I had a complication with a hysterectomy and the possibility of a normal sex life might go out the window. Luckily for me that did not happen, but I believe to this day that he was serious and would have stuck beside me had we never been able to do it again.

    Answer by pinwheel at 1:26 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • For a healthy sexual relationship it kind of boils down to NEED to feel needed and Women NEED to feel desired ...its just part of the psych aspect of it . Men has a release of feel good chemicals when a woman makes them feel need ( yup that even means...hunny can u open this jar?) Its a boost to his ego and manly hood. In return a woman needs to feel desired to be more emotionally aroused. If both sides do this often the effects are amazing. And when the sex in a relationship is great all of the other aspects get better....think about it you'll both be happier...honeymoonish and be what eachother needs which is a rock :)

    Answer by Anastacia1988 at 1:27 AM on Apr. 28, 2011