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I don't know why I'm being blamed... (long)

I am almost 36 weeks pregnant. About two months after I found out I was pregnant my brother's gf found out that she was too. She was about ten weeks pregnant when she miscarried. I couldn't have been any sadder. This was one of the saddest things I had ever experienced and I wouldn't have wished that on anyone. I will be having my baby in about 3 weeks now. The closer to the day I get, the more the two of them begrudge me. They've gotten openly rude about it and got VERY angry with my mom just for coming to my baby shower. They don't speak to me and they act like they blame me for this happening to them. When she was pregnant, they done all sorts of drugs (& still do) and said that they wouldn't stop smoking pot because it would "make their baby smart". My brother is very violent. He's recently punched two glass windows out of a building at their house and he was always violent when we both lived at home. I know his girlfriend is bipolar and I've wondered if he has some kind of mental problem. I don't know if they will want to be around me or my baby after I have her but I am honestly scared for them to be around her when she is born. Idk what they would do if anything but I just have a feeling and it frightens me. I don't know why they blame me but it makes me feel awful. What would you do? How should I react to this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:15 AM on Apr. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • It's normal to be worried about people like that around your child. I wouldn't let them babysit. I'm sorry for her loss. Evidently she has not been able to deal well with her loss. It will take time. Until she does, make sure you protect your own child.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:23 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I have learned the hard way not to let violent people in my life. I hope you listen to my advice and keep them out of yours.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 7:30 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I agree with both these ladies, you don't need violent people in your life or around your baby, it is stress & drama you don't need ,but as for why they seem to hate you, well my opinion would be because they lost their baby and you didn't. people have a hard time with jealousy ,I have seen it a lot from friends & family, and it can & will be hurtful to you, your right it isn't your fault what happened or happens to them, and they need to open their eyes and see that, some people will and some will continue to blame and hate others for what happens.. I am sorry for her loss and congrats on your little one that is due soon. but I would seriously just distance myself from them...

    Answer by momto4girzls at 9:21 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I lost twins early in a pregnancy (14 weeks) and a dear friend of mine was due around the same time.. I didn't blame her but i find it hard to visit her and see the baby still almost 3 years later. People deal with things in their own way. yes their drug use might have been a huge factor in their loss but it is still a loss and hurts them greatly.

    As for letting them around the baby, i would be very careful even at the hospital about letting them hold the baby because that is when the pain will hit them very hard.. is seeing what they almost had and I would hate to hear about them dropping the baby in shock or hurting your new daughter because of a jealous feeling that came over them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Girl - just walk on ...his is exactly why the good book tells us to not covet our neighbors _____. Not preaching Biblicals at you - just using it as a referencing point - we tend to covet either what we don't have, want but can't get, or what we had but pissed away - which is what they are doing. These two people are SO unhappy within themselves till they not only can't be happy for someone else's fortune, but they have to lash out at the fortunate person and tear them down in order to vent their own hate for themselves.
    Because of your brother's violent tendencies, you need to confront him IN FRONT OF WITNESS - and someone capable of protecting you physically - should the need arise. But BEFORE your baby arrives you need to kick these two people out of your life. Tell them how you feel about them being mean to you, and how they can't come around baby until they get help and are under control.

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 10:00 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • You can feel sorry for her loss but that's about it. Truth is, the drugs probably caused her to miscarry, and that's HER fault. Keep them away from you, your baby and your family. I wouldn't trust them near any of you. Let them stew in their own mental issues, hatred etc. Its not healthy for you or your baby, and there's no helping those who don't want help. Good luck, momma! XoXo

    Answer by Kari727 at 10:09 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • first of all you shouldn't be near these people being pregnant and second dont be near them when you do have your baby. they are poison. i believe (i hate to say this) she miscarried for a reason. she was taking drugs and whatever else, drinking and god saw to it that this woman and your brother don't deserve a child. honestly, i can't even imagine that baby being taken cared of once it was born. so maybe her miscarring was a good thing. you just need to stay the hell away from them. i know he is your brother but if he can act like that towards you and practically blaming you for his gf's miscarriage and not taking responsbility because she was doing everything wrong tell him to take a hike and take his gf with him. have your mom visit you don't go over there if they are there. just slowly distance yourself and your family from them.

    Answer by lucky35 at 1:53 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

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