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I think it's just guilt? adult content

When I was 14 I lost my virginity to this guy(19) and he decided that was all he needed from me. My friend was dateing his brother(22). She was 16. We thought we were cool,I guess because they were older. Anyways My friends boyfriend and I ended up sleeping together. I was stupid and thought he loved me but he didn't break up with my friend and I never told her. She ended up geting pregnant and even then he and I would still have sex. We would have sex by train tracks, in the woods, in hotels, a friends of his when they weren't home. And all this time I thought he loved me and she didn't know. I think she began to suspect something but never said anything because she and I grew apart. Eventually he and I stopped everything. She knows everything now and I haven't talked to her in years. He however was murdered and I hadn't talked to him for a long time before that. I feel horrible about what happened everytime I think about it. I have a reoccuring nightmare in which I am always trying to get her to forgive me. I had it last night.
I don't know how to get over the guilt. She and I had been good friends. Not great friends because we had other issues but I considered her my closest friend even if she didn't.

Oh and this "relationship" went on from 14 until 16. I was so young and stupid.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:37 AM on Apr. 28, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Did you ever formally apologize to her?? If I were you, I would do that and then move on. Unless you're like 18, you shouldn't still be so concerned-- people make mistakes, and although that was pretty shady and messed up, I'm sure you were young and na├»ve as you said, so it happens. What's done is done...

    Answer by lexi8622 at 7:38 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Sounds to me that an older man took advantage of bot you and your friend. She got pregnant with his baby, did they get married or continued the relationship after your were through?

    Answer by Dalimonster at 8:40 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • If you don't like the way your bed was made, get up & re-make it & put new sheets on it...throw out the old sheets & be glad they're gone......

    Your friendship with her is over. Even if you got back in touch with her, she would have issues trusting you....which is normal. Write her a letter, or email & tell her how shitty that has made you feel over the years & that you really feel you owe her an apology. Let her know you're not really looking to be buddy-buddy again, but that you really cared about her & want her to know that your behavior when you were younger, has really been eating at you & you need to get it off your chest.

    Leave it at that & move along with your life. Good luck!

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:52 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • also, all those young & dumb things you did were learning experiences & take it as that. I'm sure you learned a lot of life lessons through all that glad you learned from them & never made the same mistake twice. Sometimes those embarrassing things we did when we were younger are necessary parts of becoming mature adults. The smart ones learn from their mistakes & the dumb ones keep making them. Be glad you learned a lot when you were younger...

    I did stupid things too, but i don't have guilt. They were all learning experiences whether good or bad & i have grown from them & became a better person through all of it.....

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:55 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Hmm....I am not sure what your asking for? If you think she already knows, I wouldn't keep bringing it up.

    Maybe write a letter but never send it. Maybe that will help you to get over this.

    I was told dreams usually mean the opposite, so maybe she's already forgiven you.

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 8:40 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • dalimonster- i dont think that this was a case of being taken advantage of

    Answer by LovinMyJay4 at 8:42 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • how to get over the guilt?
    you were young and dumb. just remember that that was what you did then but not now. dont beat yourself up for things you have done in the past. it isnt worth it

    Answer by LovinMyJay4 at 8:40 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • No they never married and eventually they broke up because he became abusive. when we stopped haveing a physical relationship he would only show up when he knew I was dateing someone. He played a lot of head games.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:43 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • You still think he wasn't taking advantage of her?

    This guy sounds like a scumbag that took advantage of your and your friend. Regardless, what do you want to do? Do you want to get over your guilt or do you want to have a friendship with her again. She is probably past this. Whether she forgave you or not, is besides the point. If she is going to forgive you, she has already done it, if she hasn't, nothing you say will make her forgive you now. That friendship is probably gone for good. You need to work on you. You were 14 and naive. You are older and hopefully wiser now. The past is done for. You need to live in the present and forgive yourself for what happened. I'm not saying that he is completely to blame. But you need to understand that you were young and didn't know any better. Eventually you stopped and grew up enough to realize that it was wrong. Seems like you learned from the experience. Now just let it go.

    Answer by Dalimonster at 8:56 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I think you are right in the fact that I need to move passed it. I was 14 and yes I did learn from what I did. I know he wasn't completely to blame. i could have said no. Most days I don't even think about it. But after the reoccuring nightmare it's hard not to think about it. I spend the whole night trying to undo what I did and get her to forgive me.

    Anon- we were friends. I was in the room when she was going through labor until she had to have a c section. I held her hand. And before he even came around we spent every second together. What I did was wrong but in my own stupid nieve way, I cared very much for her.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:10 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

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