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2 Bumps

Does familiarity breed contempt? (a little long winded)

My dearest friend and I had a spat, it has been about 6 months ago. But, things have not felt quite right since. She is my closest friend in the entire world, knows more about me than my DH. What did we quarrel about, glad you asked.

Silly really...I was having a particularly rough morning and was venting and she snipped at me to "not be so negative and to stop complaining". I am sure that I had vented a little much for the past couple of day as it had been a REALLY rough week. This hurt me to the core as she knows I pride myself on being anything but negative. My issues run deep with family (DH, DD & Mom), not enough room to tell all, but I just stopped speaking to my mother the week prior which was something that had never happened in my life. My DH was out of work going on 2 yrs (I have Seizures 3 kids & 2 homes). Kinda getting my picture??? I was a little stressed.

We quickly ended our call, as I was about to cry and didn't want her to know. I did cry for a good while thinking about the past few years. That while my DH was out of work, hers had left her. He was traveling for work and cheated and the only reason he told was because of his clearance. He left her with 2 kids. He was a d*ck. He had her follow. I was there for her when she was afraid of him. I was there for her when he tried to cut down their deck with a chain saw. I was there when he came into the house when she was out-of-town with the kids and took furniture, half the dishes and emptied the bank accounts. There would be hours of calls telling of the things he did and all I would ever do was listen, even when I didn't want to hear it. Sometimes, I would say come over and just get out of that house or let's do something to take your mind off of it. Never stop it.

Now she is rid of him (happily) and happy with a wonderful man who is great. He puts a smile on her face everyday. He completes her. They are great together.

With all of that I called her back and told her how devastated I was that she would cold and cruel. And that her, knowing all the background, I couldn't believe would say the things she said. She said she knew and immediately she called her BF because she wished she hadn't said those things. I accepted her apology. But thing are still a bit off.

I am sure it is me because my Seizures still are not completely under control and my life in not back to old normal and most likely never will be. So, gone are the days of picking up and going to concerts with her and heading out to meet her & her BF for after dinner sips (can't always drive at night). I resent the fact that as good a friends as we "are" that she doesn't make concessions for me and do sips at home more often (she only likes to go out).

So... Does familiarity breed contempt or am I being a big baby?


Asked by sipn_mom at 10:11 AM on Apr. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,555 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I don't think you're being a big baby at all. It doesn't sound like she has been a very good friend if you were there for her and she is not returning that kind of support. I have a relative who has seizures and I know how debillitating it is. What I don't understand is why she can't be a little more supportive both because of the fact that you saw her through a crazy mess with her ex, but also because her life sounds great now. Either it's not as wonderful as she puts on or she is just not as good a friend anymore. Every now and then it's oaky to for a friend to say snap out of it but it's not okay to be rude about it.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:21 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • *okay

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:21 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Once we get hurt even though the offending party has apologized it does take time to get rebuild that deep friendship. It will happen. I'm sorry that so many things are not going well in your life. Hope something starts to improve soon.


    Answer by meooma at 10:39 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Thanks for the great feedback. Maybe the point to a great friendship is like a great marriage. The building is easy, it's all the tending and rebuilding that is hard. But in the end that's what keeps it strong and makes it worth keeping.

    Comment by sipn_mom (original poster) at 4:20 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • It sounds like you have enough drama in your life without making a mountain out of this mole hill. You say you accepted her apology, but it doesn't sound like you have forgiven her. It also sounds like you have some hidden resentment for her newfound happiness and continued health. That's normal, but you can't let it ruin your friendship. You need good friends right now! Of course you have allways been a positive person, but sometimes life can cause that to slip. Maybe your friend was just trying to comment on that to help get you back on track. I'm sure your friend would let you ride with her to go out at night, knowing you that you can't?!

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 10:24 AM on Apr. 28, 2011