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Do I force my 4yr old step-daughter to talk to mom on phone? Is this right?

My step-daughters bio mom is allowed to call a few times a week (court ordered). I always let the calls come through and hold the phone up to this little girls ear for as long as she will stand still. She can hear her mother talking at her but she refuses to talk back. My husband and I agree that it's wrong to punish her for not talking if she does not want to. Should I make her? I don't want my husband to get into trouble with the court for "isolating" the other parent but what do you do?

ALSO: According to my oldest step-son...during visitation with their mother...she asked the 4yr why she wouldn't talk to her on the phone and her response was that I would not let her!!! So she has lied to save herself from getting yelled at and I am the bad guy.

 
JLang

Asked by JLang at 11:30 AM on Apr. 28, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 6 (125 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • If you really want her to be interactive with her mother on the phone, start to reward her for what she is doing. The next phone call, when she comes to the phone and just stands there, put a little sticker on her shirt and say, "You did such a nice job listening to your mom on the phone!" After one or two times like this, then add at the end, "Next time, you'll get a sticker if you say "Hello, Mommy!", and remind her that she's doing a good job listening.

    I agree - don't punish her for not talking, but if you make talking into something she wants to do through a minor reward system, she's much more likely to catch on.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 11:43 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • you cant force a child to talk on the phone, if she isnt going to talk - that should be the end of it! the court should get it that a 4 year old doesnt talk on the phone that much!! my 5 year old hates talking on the phone with his grandmother! ..
    3HappylKidds

    Answer by 3HappylKidds at 11:32 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • dont punish her for it!!!! simply do what you are doing. hold the phone for her, ask her to tell her mommy about a picture she colored or a stuffed animal or something to get her going in talking. try this a few times. She doesnt understand whats going on in her heart and mind so extra love and affection is in order....
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 11:34 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • We have a DD-3 and DS-4 thier bio-mom is oversees. When she calls she sings ABC's with them. That lasts about a minute. It's more for her than them. I don't think they know who she is?
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 2:00 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • You just keep doing what you are doing. My son lived with me at that age and his dad was allowed to call daily, per the court order. It was the same thing. I just let him say hi to him and basically the call was over in less then 30 seconds.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:33 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • no, do not force her. just continue to let her hold the phone and listen. 4 year olds are not big phone talkers, her bio mom should grasp that.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 11:35 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Is skype a possibility instead? That may be more appealing to a 4 yr old.
    EverydayMomma

    Answer by EverydayMomma at 11:37 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Dont force her...maybe talk to her about why she wont talk on the phone?
    jaksonsmommy

    Answer by jaksonsmommy at 11:38 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Skype is def not a possibility.
    JLang

    Comment by JLang (original poster) at 11:41 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • The important thing is the the child is allowed to hear the Moms voice. You can't force a child to talk, so punishment would be ridiculous!! I was also going to suggest Skype... then they could interact. or at least the Mom could see that her child is listening, and the child can see the Mom's face - which is very important as well!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:42 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

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