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I think he is getting lazy about things what would you do?

My husband likes to take the easy way out of everything and normally the cheap way out also... but we need a shed and it would be way cheaper if he built it, he says that he will but he has said that about a lot of things that he was supposed to build and then we ended up buying it... i dont understand why he doesnt want to do it and if i say fine i will do it then he wants to do it or makes a fuss about it ...like he gets upset at me when i say that i want him to then when he doesnt and i confront him he gets even more upset..... what do i do?

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jaksonsmommy

Asked by jaksonsmommy at 11:36 AM on Apr. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,610 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Leave it alone,or is just gonna cause more problems between the two of you. Eventually he will see how much is costing him. Does he work?Maybe he is just too tired an doesn't feel like doing extra stuff around the house.
    booger14

    Answer by booger14 at 11:39 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Yes he works...and im a SAHM who watches kiddos during the day and after school which is why its better to save money... usually he is the one complaining about how much things cost thats why i dont understand... i know he is tired some of the time so i dont push it that hard but it would be nice for him to show some initiatve...because if i really started to go outside and do it myself he would get mad at me and take over as if i cant do it good enough... i do see your point though
    jaksonsmommy

    Comment by jaksonsmommy (original poster) at 11:42 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Is he a Gemini? LOL that sounds like my husband sometimes!
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 11:43 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • tell him he's lazy & that you'll do it, or you will ask a male friend to help you do it. It will piss him off, but you doing it instead of him shows him how much of a lazy person he is & he probably doesn't want to have to to feel that way about himself. He'll end up doin git most likely if you ask one of his male friends, or a relative to help you.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:43 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • another thing is that any of the money i make goes straight to house projects or something we agreed to save on...and it would be so much cheaper to get the materials and build things rather than spend an extra 300 on it to be already done...
    jaksonsmommy

    Comment by jaksonsmommy (original poster) at 11:43 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Go get the materials, get a plan, and start building! If he gets mad because of it, then whatever. Tell him you'd like his help on this building project, but that you know its too much work for just one person ;)

    Make sure you have a solid foundation to put it on first!
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 11:48 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Get the materials and start working on it while he is at work. I have had to do that with my DH and my dad. They will say one thing and not do it, but if I start in on it, then they jump in. Instead of listening to his whining and promises, then start on it. If you can't do it by yourself, then at least buy the materials.  If you have the materials there, he will be less likely to whine about the work. 

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 11:50 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Just wondering how many positive affirmations you are pouring into him. I've found that my husband responds very well to compliments on what he is already doing well. I think that sometimes we wives shoot ourselves in the foot without ever realizing what we've done. Has your hubby ever taken on a project only to have you tell him he should have done it differently or that your idea would have been better? It may have been a really long time ago, but he still remembers that he tried really hard and did the best of which he was capable and yet it still wasn't good enough or didn't measure up in some respect. I know that when I was younger, I made this mistake a lot. As a result, my hubby became quite passive about many of my requests. If you have been guilty of that, I can tell you it takes a very long time to make up for those careless words. His attitude may just be "What's the use? She's going to complain either way."
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:53 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • My husband is like that. He doesn't want to actually do it, but he doesn't want the confrontation when he doesn't do it. He knows that it has to be done, it'll be cheaper, but the actual effort of it is what he wants to avoid. I haven't found a way around it other then making it known what is expected of him as an adult of this household. That there are things that I don't want to do either .. Such as chores, getting up 23453 times a night with one kid or another, and getting up to take care of things when I'd rather not. However, as an adult, as a wife, as a mother (most importantly) I have responsibilities that I can't slack off on. Otherwise this house would crumble to the ground.

    Now, you should show him on paper, not just verbally, what exactly you'd be saving if you BOTH built the shed. Show how much money you've wasted by buying things instead of by building them. That might open his eyes a bit.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:21 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • And I've found that it's a lot more encouraging if I do these things I ask of my husband along side him. If I ask him to pick up a certain room, then I go and start picking up the ajoing room. If I ask him to fix something I give moral support (because usually I don't know how to fix it). Helping him build the shed as a couple may encourage him to do it.

    I as well suggest that you say "Saturday we're going to Lowe's and we're going to price out materials." Then that Saturday without hesitation you get up and drag his butt out there. Then the next Saturday say "We're going to go buy the materials and the following Saturday we're going to build it" .. Don't leave room for him to say "No, I don't want to" or "No, let's just buy it" .. Put your foot down and if you have to hold his hand through it like a child.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:24 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

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