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3 Bumps

How would you repond to this message from the Mom of a boyfriend?

Let me give some info first. My 16 yr old DD was UPstairs in the bf's bedroom one Sunday watching movies from about 2 until my DH picked her up around 8pm, with dinner in b/w. (DD told me she was downstairs in the next room, admitted later that she lied) She knows she isn't supposed to be in rooms other than common areas of the house when visiting w/boys. Mom was not home, but Dad was downstairs along w/younger brother. They have NO GIRLS and this may be a factor here...My DH called and talked told the Dad that's not how we do things over here, we have them stay in common areas of the house, and the Dad said he was within "earshot" and then "it wasn't a problem when we were growing up." He didn't say he ever went upstairs!! Then, he told my DH that he"can respect that".(our rules??) I have knowledge/saw a message about this boy watching porn, he has a computer in his bedroom as well as a TV/cable. I don't think he has dated or entertained girls at his house before my DD. So, now I get an email from the Mom. See below...btw, when her son has been here, they are never anywhere but downstairs and my 12 year old son is often appearing where they are, living room, kitchen, dining room and my DH can see in the windows if he steps outside in the yard, or if the teens do. Anyway, we do have house rules whether or not anyone else likes them...and my son will have house rules and he already knows it. I am trying to be fair, and not naive and we are fine w/group dates, bowling, mall, dinner, occasional movies.

"I believe we need to have a serious talk. I have been told that your daughter will no longer be able to come over to my house, due to being left alone in my home with only my husband home. I hope this is not true, I have complete confidence in my husband's ability to take care of our children. They were only watching a movie with the door wide open and being checked on. There was a time when my son was at your home and you were not there supervising. Your husband was home but left the children alone to do yard work. I had full trust in the integrity of my son and your daughter to behave themselves. I trust my son and your daughter. They are wonderful young people. I believe my husband and I have done a great job raising our children and I know you have done an amazing job raising your children, it is evident every time I am with your daughter. Our children are against drugs, drinking, and have respect for their own bodies to behave themselves. We are been blessed with our children. I am so very happy to be fortunate enough to get to know your DD and you. Please give me a call and let me know if we can meet next week." I feel like saying "my DD is a wonderful girl because of our rules/guidelines. No freakin' boys bedrooms or upstairs, ok?"

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Apr. 28, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (23)
  • You DO realize that the rules you are imposing will in no way, shape, or form negate the opportunity for them to engage in sexual activity should they decide to do so, correct?
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 11:52 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I'm sure they're both great kids - but the fact remains that they're TEENAGERS. Horny little buggers shouldn't be alone together in a bedroom. I'd tell the mom that I'd be happy to meet & talk with her, but explain that you were 16 once too and know very well what "good boys and girls" are capable of.
    SleepyCupcake

    Answer by SleepyCupcake at 11:55 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I think her email was fairly nice actually. I was expecting a rude email. I think she took offense, about her husband. maybe her husband did tell her he checked on the kids...maybe he did check on them but they didn't seem him peeking in...you never know.

    I would respond with dates & times i am available to meet with her. I think she did good in wanting to talk to you & i think her email was fair.

    I would not say anything about her son watching porn...about %90 of 16 year old boys look at porn, or have looked at porn. That is normal behavior for a 16 hear old...as much as we hate to admit it.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:55 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I would have coffee with the mom and get to know her. she sounds very respectful and open to your opinions. I would be pleased she is proactive in the situation.
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 11:55 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I think her email is good. Sounds like she thinks it is just about her husband watching the kids. I would met with her and thank her for the email. Tell her you both have great kids and you have no problem with your husband watching the teens. Explain that it is your rule that they stay in common areas of the house and not be laying around in the bedroom. Tell her you think they are responsible as well but you dont want to give them opportunity at this age to be tempted beyond what they can handle. Her email sound slike she was offended because you dont want her husband watching the kids..otherwise it was good. I would just explain that this is not the case and you think its great the you and her can talk about any concerns about the kids and thank her for the invite.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:56 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I meant you have no problem with her husband watching the kids.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:58 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • You are being a little strict. Those rules apply in your home not theres. If you daughter is going to have sex trust me there is nothing you can do about it and not letting her over at that boys house anymore can make matters much worse. And what does the boy watching porn have to do with anything. He's only like every other teenage boy out there. Maybe you need to cut the strings a little bit
    Eisleysmommy27

    Answer by Eisleysmommy27 at 11:58 AM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I believe we need to have a serious talk. I have been told that your daughter will no longer be able to come over to my house, due to being left alone in my home with only my husband home.

    I'm not sure the statement above that she made has to do with anything. That being said, I'd say your problem lies with your daughter, not anyone else. Her behavior is the only thing you have the ability to affect. She knew she wasn't supposed to be upstairs with this boy. (Or any boy I'd guess.) I think I'd take it up with her.
    swizzleday

    Answer by swizzleday at 12:00 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I think you both (Both parents from both sides) need to sit down face to face and have a talk. You have rules in your home, but they have rules in their home. You cannot impose your rules in their home and expect them to follow them, just as they can't do that with you. You have to respect their rules and trust that your daughter will be smart enough to not do what she isn't supposed to do. You also have to trust the parents to be checking on them. If you cannot trust your daughter or other parents then that's a problem with yourself. You need to sit down with them (kids included) and have a talk about what is expected from them and where you and his parents can find a common ground.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:03 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I think there was some miscommunication some where. It seems to me that her husband told her you were upset because the kids were alone with only her husband watching them. I also think she might have been offended and thinks that you believe they are not doing a good job because their rules are not the same as yours. You two need to get together and talk things out. Neither one of you needs to feel that anyone is a bad parent because of the different rules. I'm sure that you can get things ironed out. And ignore the obby's comment. Parents need to have faith and trust in their kids. There is nothing worse than having someone plant the seed of doubt in your mind so you can trust your kids.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 12:03 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

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