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Bullied at school.....was I a pushover?

Several months ago I had to go to a conference with my son's school about some behavior problems he was demonstrating. We worked out a plan for him and it seems to be doing well.

Well, he just dropped a bombshell on me as I was on my way out the door to take my daughter to swim lessons.

He'd mentioned before that "Joey" kept calling him the wrong name, but didn't seem too concerned about it so I didn't think much of it. Well, Joey has been doing more than just petty name calling. Through my husband Joey has also been bullying my son on the soccer field at recess, and now it's to the point that my son really doesn't want to play anymore. It's his favorite thing. The recess teachers are just telling my son to go play somewhere else and just stay away from Joey. Good advice, and we've told him the same at home, but this is affecting where and how my son plays at recess.

*Side note: I was bullied horribly from the 4th grade through high school graduation. I'm probably a little biased and I'm trying VERY hard not to overreact here, but I was chased off the playground by the middle of 5th grade.

On the way home from swimming I popped into the school to talk to the principal. I told her what my son had said this morning and she wrote herself a couple notes (I caught her in between one thing and the next) and said she'd send me a note home in my son's backpack. I told her that I'd been bullied (I'd mentioned it at the meeting earlier) and that I was going to do everything, including being a squeaky wheel (squeak squeak squeak) to get this resolved.

Now sitting at home I'm wondering if I allowed myself to be a pushover because I saw that she was busy and was trying to squeeze me in. Our "meeting" was in the front office where anyone/everyone could hear what I was saying. I know I've advised in other posts to go in guns blazing and raise hell. I didn't do that this time. I give GREAT advice, very rarely do I take it.


Asked by Rosehawk at 2:21 PM on Apr. 28, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (8)
  • I think so far you've handled it well. And these days you never know how far kids will go, this may or may not be the beginning of something much worse. I'd just monitor your son's personality and take it day by day, sounds like he opens up to you which is a huge plus to begin with.

    Answer by yesmaam at 2:24 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • NO. IF anything with a parents concern about their child and THEIR CHILD GETTING PUNISHED for this behavior she should have made it a point to have the meeting in a closed room.!!!! OUT OF RESPECT. Joey or coach or husband or whoever needs his ass checked!!!!! thats YOUR CHILD. PROTECT HIM FROM ADULT BULLIES. GO RIGHT to their face and ask WTF is the problem here. I wouldn't want my children having to be submissive to others and fearful of harrassment throughout his school years, it messes with their mental, emotional, insecurities, self worth, self esteem.
    Do what you have to do and demand the ATTENTION AND RESPECT in this matter that you deserve. Good luck

    Answer by kkbird at 2:32 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • kkbird, Guess I didn't make myself clear enough. My son is being bullied by "Joey", another kid at school. The recess teachers are telling my son to just stay away from him and go play somewhere else. I managed to catch the principal this morning going from one busy thing to another and told her what I'd been told. The principal wrote herself a couple of notes and will be talking with my son and this other kid to get as much of the full story as she can.

    When OTHER moms have asked for advice on this same type of situation I tell them to go it guns blazing, and I didn't take my own advice. I'm just wondering if I allowed myself to be a pushover and didn't go in guns blazing because I saw that the principal was busy and really didn't have time to chat, but did anyway.

    I should be getting a note from the principal in my son's backpack about what SHE found out when he gets home.

    Comment by Rosehawk (original poster) at 2:38 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • AH.... I see Rose.. I think you may hae said that I just read through it too fast. ( I have seen your gun blazing on here before) * smiles* I would have done the same thing, and wait for the back pack. Then go in blazin!!!! If its not resolved.

    Answer by kkbird at 2:46 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • what exactly does "bulling" on the soccer field look like?

    If my son had told my husband that my husband would have told our son to get in the kids grill and tell him to leave him alone. Also he would have told our son that if the other boy lays one hand on him... take him down.

    btw... this DID happen to us. And in about 3rd grade our boy laid a kid flat with one hit. The kid had been annoying him since kindergarten with his words. Our son had stood up for himself but had never laid a hand on the other boy because we told him he wasnt allowed to start a fight. That particular day the boy DID touch our son and our son took care of business. The boy NEVER even walked near our son again.

    Playing somewhere else is nice if your kid doesnt care. But if it is what your kid likes to do... then your kid needs to stand his ground and face the boy head on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Yeah, we've told him we don't want him fighting, but he DOES have the right to defend himself. My son is a pacifist and doesn't really want to fight. Which is good, but makes him a target.

    He DID have a conversation with the principal and the other boy and they've agreed to an alternating schedule on the soccer field. My son will play on X days and "Joey" will play on Y days. And of course he forgot the note at school. How kid of him. (wink and sigh)

    I also asked him again what Joey had been doing and some of it is typical uncoordinated 7 year old hacking and things like that, but there HAS been some pushing and shoving. It's nothing serious YET, but I'd much rather stop this now at little things than have it escalate.

    Comment by Rosehawk (original poster) at 7:43 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I think you did ok so far.

    Answer by Jerichos_Mommy at 8:47 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I go the letter from school yesterday (Friday the 29th) and it says the same thing that my son told me. But elaborated to tell me that the BOYS came up with the alternating days on the soccer field idea. It also sounds like my son was exaggerating just a bit about what was going on.

    Either way, this situation has been resolved a LOT easier than I expected. Guess I really should remember that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

    Comment by Rosehawk (original poster) at 9:37 PM on Apr. 30, 2011