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Anyone Else Against Pre Birth Matching?

I am against expectant mothers being set up with prospective adoptive couples prior to the baby's birth because it sets up heartache. Whether the expectant mother wants to parent, but feels obligated to surrender or the adoptive parents get their hopes up and then no baby....I think matching everyone prior to the baby's birth is a bad idea all around.

Some countries actually have it mandatory that parents try to raise their babies before placing for adoption. I like this. Adoption agencies and lawyers are against this concept because it would mean less babies for sale (basically that is what it is). The way I see it, if adoptions took place after the parents had a chance to try to raise the baby, then it would take away lots of unanswered questions, the "what if's", if you will.

What do you guys think?

(i am speaking solely of domestic infant adoption)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on Dec. 3, 2008 in Adoption

Answers (36)
  • I totally agree with you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I don't agree.Yes, Some people feel pressured into adoption but not all. And if you knew that you absolutely were not ready to raise a child yet, wouldn't it be alot easier to give it away to someone else if you haven't already formed a strong bond with it? And if an expectant mother wants to parent, then why meet up with an adoption agency in the first place. If i had gotten pregnant at a very young age, or while in a bad situation, i probably would have given my child up.

    Answer by FinleyFirst at 9:09 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Not because i didn't want it, but because i'd rather it be raised by a loving couple that could provide more, and i would hate the law saying that i had to try to raise it first because that would really make it harder to give up, and then, wouldn't that raise more questions in the future if you kept the child. All the questions of, how much better of a life would my baby have had? With adoptions, there's always gonna be unanswered questions no matter what. I just thank god that i was never in the situation where i needed to decided to keep it to give it up for adoption.

    Answer by FinleyFirst at 9:09 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • yeah finley, thank god you weren't. because its not that simple.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I 100% agree with no prebirth matching. It puts pressure on the expectant mother, it undue ties to the adoptive parents. It would save the ups and downs of the adoptive parents waiting to find out if they are going to be parents and not pressuring the mother the place the baby.

    I also think that we need federal adoption laws not 50 different state laws.

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 10:05 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • And yeah, anonymous at 10:01 Go ahead and stay behind anonymous because obviously your not proud of what you said or you would have shown your face. They asked for peoples opionons so because my opion isn't what you want to hear, it shouldn't be said and you should be rude. I'm so sick of the close minded people on here who ask questions just to listen to people with the same answer as them.

    Answer by FinleyFirst at 11:04 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I'm the OP, and there was character restrictions so let me explain myself a little more. I mean this as a way to keep heart ache from both sides. I think the erradicating them, outside of extreme circumstances, would save everyone the pain. This way the adoptive parents don't get their hopes up and then crushed if the mother wants to keep her baby and if the mother really doesn't want to place, but does so because she has befriended the couple and feels bad about reconsidering. These types of situations.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I never said your opinion isnt what I want to hear. sheesh. I said as someone who IS a birthmother & has LIVED it, you make it sound so simple to do, to choose it like that. It's just not. It's just not. I am very happy you have not had to do it. I am very happy for anyone in the world who has not had to do it. Please kiss you baby extra tomorrow because some of us can not kiss ours. And dont assume I was being rude. I was being honest.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • cont-
    This way adoptive couples don't get taken advantage of by women pretending to be preggo or who don't plan to place at all. Women won't feel obligated to surrender. The mother and father has tried, are unable or incapable of doing so, and can surrender knowing they've tried. AP's can adopt a child without worry of the parents trying to reclaim.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Finley- You actually think that we don't form bonds with our babies prior to birth, let alone a bond strong enough that is comparable to holding them in our arms? We had very strong bonds to our children. The bond I have with my surrendered child was as strong as the bond I have with the child I am raising. You make it sound like out of sight, out of mind. Make plans now, and disregard what you feel once you hold your baby. The OP has a point. Too many times we hear of adoptive parents who were crushed and grieving because the "birthmother" decided to parent the baby. We hear of women who went into adoption because they didn't want to hurt the couple who had their hopes up for their babies. Erradicating pre birth matching would stop a lot of this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

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