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"I dont want to tell you" -- when ask what they did (getting in trouble)

When I ask dd what she has been doing, or how something happened instead of telling me, explaining what happened she always says "I dont want to tell you"
Last night she fell in our bathroom (i thought she was just pottying) and she was crying & holding her head so i ask her what happened & she said "I dont wanna tell you"..
Today she walks up to me & I smell something.. so i ask her "what have you been eating?" ... she says " I dont want to tell you"..(it was chocolate, but idk how she got it)..

What can i do to encourage her to tell me stuff?!
It makes me upset/sad when she says that.. and as a mom its important she feel she can (and should) be honest/open with me.
She is 4.5yo by the way.


Asked by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on Apr. 28, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • My son also uses those same words... when he "thinks" I'll get really angry about his breaking some rule. I have told him that I need to know what his problem is - because I love him and want to help him learn. If he did do something that was not allowed, and then he got "hurt" - I remind him strongly - the reason that I gave him warnings and rules in the first place. It is only for his safety and health. It has worked out well so far to break him of the "secrecy habit". (Also my son is 6 - so he is able to understand his consequences better than when he was 4 1/2 .)


    Answer by Bostonsbest at 4:55 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • If she doesn't want to tell you then maybe she should not be able to do something she likes until she tells you. Or send her to her room and tell her she can come out when she decides to tell you.

    Answer by Shaken1976 at 4:46 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Try sweet talking it out of her. Tell her that mommy isn't mad but that you need to know how she fell and what she has been eating to make sure it is safe for to have and doesn't hurt herself. Tell he that you are her mommy and she can tell you anything. And i would look around the house where you may have the candy she could have gotten into. Can she open the pantry? Maybe she has learned how to open the palce where the candy is. And ask her was she needing something out of mommies bathroom. If so just ask so you can help her get it. That climbing can hurt her.

    Answer by jaceyrayesmom at 4:56 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I think it is important that she feels like she can talk to you. I guess you might talk about consequences being more serious if she won't tell you. If she does tell you then the consequence should be less serious...

    Answer by karischub at 5:00 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I use reverse works for my 4 yo son everytime. "Fine..mommy really doesnt want to know anyway"

    Answer by momti at 1:34 AM on Apr. 29, 2011