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What to do about this teenage situation? adult content

My 15 year old daughter has apparently let a boy do a few things to her...I'm not as unhappy about this as I am about the chat conversation I saw on her FB screen with a neighborhood boy where he was asking her questions about what this boy did to her and she was answering yes or no based on his questions. I feel this particular boy will NOT keep this information a secret and am worried about her reputation at this point. I do not know how to approach my daughter and talk with her about it...she is a teen and obviously knows all. I want her to respect her body but also respect what happens between her and another boy and not share this information with anyone--except maybe her closest friend.

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Momforlife1995

Asked by Momforlife1995 at 8:31 PM on Apr. 28, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • first off I would delete everything about the conversation.. have maybe a family friend or another family member bring it up to her so it's not just "Mom nagging"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Wow, my girls know to keep private information private. i think she needs a chat: not nagging, but just a warning that if she puts this information "out there" it is no longer in her control who knows it and who doesn't. You and she are on the same side here: you both have her interests at heart, so it should not be about nagging or reprimanding, just cautioning. Teens can be rather impulsive and it's up to you to protect her when she is being foolish and short-sighted, but you don't need to get angry.
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 8:35 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • i would tell her things spread fast and to be careful and not share intiment situations like what her and another guy have done. It makes you look easy and guys will take that and use her because they are dogs lol

    whitenena

    Answer by whitenena at 8:37 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • My problem is since I saw this on her fb screen I feel she'll come back with "im invading her privacy" but again, she left it up and the chat was there. I want to begin the proper way with gentle kind words that I am on her side...but I'm nervous she will not see it that way. Being 15 she is very defensive.
    Momforlife1995

    Comment by Momforlife1995 (original poster) at 8:45 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • thats what you need to tell her and hopefully she will listen to you, kids are mean and nasty anymore and i totally understand what you are saying.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 8:51 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • boy my mom would have put me on blast right there wanting to know what the hell was going on and been like u are grounded deleting ur FB and nething else!! but i would def b going and getting her put on BC and i wouldnt worry about her reputation because people are going to think what they want regardless, I hung out with mostly guys in high school because i got along with them better bc i was the athlete type and everybody would spread rumors that i slept with this one and that one but I didn't so i knew the truth and thats all that matters, honestly if ur daughters situation get spread around its gana end up being something said way worse than wat happened. but i would def sit down and talk with her about it bc ur her mom and u have every right to invade her privacy if its gana keep her safe, im glad i had the mom i did i ddnt like it at the time but now shes my best friend and i realize y she did the things she did
    Alyson_Torres09

    Answer by Alyson_Torres09 at 9:26 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Maybe she left the chat up on purpose for you to see because she's not comfortable with what's going on but she doesn't know how to say no to the boy. Take the bull by the horns (gently) - start off with something like "I don't know if you meant to or not but you left your facebook open with the chat up, I was going to do something else but it caught my eye, and honey, I'm really worried. Is everything okay, do you need anything, how can I help you,", yadda yadda yadda, something like that. Be gentle when you start out, feel around before going too deep. Or if you're not comfortable talking about it beyond bringing it up, if you have someone else you & she both trust (an aunt, good adult friend, etc) ask her if she'd be more comfortable talking to that person - or give her a notebook to write stuff down, ask questions, etc, that you then read & write back to her in to answer questions, etc. Let her know you'er there for her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • i am 17 yrs old and i know wht she is going through. if i were you i wouldnt tell her you saw her fb chat just explain to her wht could happen and how important it is to respect your body and if she doesnt listen it is just a lesson to be learned.
    Teen_mom3911

    Answer by Teen_mom3911 at 10:02 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • i kind of hate FB for the information we parents get from it and how we have to then act on it. It is not responsible parenting to have knowledge and not act. I think the conversation (that you have surely had many times in the past!) about how what is in cyberspace is there forever, for anyone etc is relevant. I think when we were younger our parents didn't have a clue becuase we didn't document anything, but probably many of us were doing the same stuff. But you can always deny saying things, but there is no denying an IM or post...
    got2boyztoo

    Answer by got2boyztoo at 11:54 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • frist tell her what she allow this boy do is very wroung what people will be saying about her actings & she will be treated bad if others know these dirty details...
    sassy21176

    Answer by sassy21176 at 12:09 PM on May. 1, 2011

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