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How do I keep this from her?

I'm seeing a therapist to help me resolve some phobia issues I have surrounding health issues that are keeping me from doing some of the things that I love. Today was my first appointment, and the therapist said that she believes my anxiety and phobia issues started because of some trauma I suffered when my parents were fighting really badly one time. That is when all of this started.

I talk to my mother all the time and we are pretty close. I don't know how to NOT tell her I'm seeing a therapist, and I don't know how to avoid hurting her feelings. If I tell her what the therapist thinks then she will blame herself. I don't want her to be hurt.

Do I keep this from her? Do I tell her? How do I handle this?


Asked by Ati_13 at 10:00 PM on Apr. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Level 24 (21,184 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Tell her you are seeing a therapist, but not what they think the "root cause" is...just what they are suggesting you do about it. That way she is in on your progress and such, but doesn't feel guilty. Half truth I guess.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:46 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • If this is just your first therapy session, maybe you're not prepared or ready to talk to your mom. I say get some sessions under your belt, listen to your therapist's advice about how to handle it, and focus on getting yourself better instead of spoon-feeding your mother the news.

    Answer by EgoTryptophan at 10:05 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Talk to your therapist. She may be able to arrange an appointment for you and her to discuss the trauma together in a safe environment lead by your therapist. I did something like this with my parents and it helped us a lot.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • i wouldnt tell her. dont even bring it up.

    Answer by 3HappylKidds at 10:02 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • maybe you could ask your therapist what she thinks?

    Answer by 3HappylKidds at 10:02 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • I wouldn't bring it up to you mother. Just work on resolving the initial trauma with your therapist. My father did alot of damage to me when I was growing up with choosing his other kids over me and ect. and so did my mother by bouncing my sister and I between houses. But today my mother and I are extremely close however I never remind her what happened deeply effected me and how i view relationships and myself. I once brought up how I always feel imperfect. that I will never live up to what she believes I should be and how badly it hurt me to feel like I had to be everything she wanted..and we both ended up crying and her telling me shes so proud of me but she wants me to grow my own wings instead of faking it.

    Answer by SweetPoison at 10:06 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • And maybe once your in a better place you and your mom could go to a few appointments together. Talk to your therapist about it!! Good luck hun!!


    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:06 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • We live 700 miles apart... we won't be attending any therapy sessions together lol.

    But I will be discussing this with the therapist at my next appointment :)

    Comment by Ati_13 (original poster) at 10:21 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Your theraphy is your theraphy and its for you to discuss your issues and help yourself. Once you are able to comes to terms and get yourself better then maybe you can talk to your mom. She doesnt need to feel bad and you certainly dont need any more anxiety. Open up everything to your therapist, let her help you and then what you do after is up to you. Trust me the fewer people that know your seeing a therapist the more productive it will be. When you tell people they seem to always put there opinion in and sometimes its non productive. Good Luck

    Answer by desperateat48 at 11:10 PM on Apr. 28, 2011

  • Hm, this is tough. I had a semi-similar situation. I live across the country f/ my Mom, we're real close- and through therapy I found out many of my "issues" stemmed from the way my mother coped (more like, didn't cope) with my sisters death when I was younger, and several other parts of our relationship. It's tough because of course I wasn't going to fully blame her, but she was a part of it all.

    What I ended up doing was telling her I was in therapy, but I didn't go into the details about how I was realizing where my bad coping mechanisms, etc. stemmed from. I told my Dad some of it, and he agreed that it may not be best to tell my Mother- b/c who would want to be blamed like that? I'd advise you to ask your therapist though...and I also admire you for being strong enough to GO to therapy!! Hope it all works out :) I wish I was still doing it lol

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 AM on Apr. 29, 2011