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why do i get upset when my hubby goes to his moms house?

is like this. she calls he goes takes forever he will do chores for her cause she pays him.and he will only do chores at home to his convenience. she will purposely drive by to see if he is at home so she calls and says i need something done. like the other day he got off work early but his mommy called and he didnt get home till 3 hours later. when he could've been with his family. am i crazy?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on Dec. 3, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • If it is happening a lot & he jumps every time she calls, it sounds like she has kinda a problem with control or sabotaging your relationship & yes I would be upset. He has a family of his own & it is okay to tell her no he'll come another time if her request are intrusive to your household. Do you think she is doing it on purpose for some reason?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • No you are not crazy but sometimes moms are afraid their sons will not come see them anymore if they don't ask them to come over for whatever reason they can think of. Can you go with him so you don't feel left out?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:46 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • do you feel left out? i know i would. i wouldn't like that feeling at all.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 9:57 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • It's understandable the way you feel. What I did was to politely say "we never seem to get any time alone, or as a family, seems the phone's always ringing, someone's at the door or someone's asking him to go help them do this or that (don't mention any names) and it's causing a disruption in our family, we're becoming strangers because we don't get to spend time together anymore" and throw in how much the kids miss him for good measure. As long as you're not sounding like you're griping directly at her, maybe she'll take the hint.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:04 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Shoot! Be glad you have some you time! Take long hot relaxing bath, read, watch whatever you want on tv! All men do things at their convience because they know if they wait long enough we will do it for them! His mom must be very lonely and thinks she has to have an excuse to get to see him. Bake something good and just invite yourself to go help with the chores, she would probably enjoy chatting with you while he works. I see my mom everyday if I want to or not she just shows up! lol! But you gotta love the mom's! At least he has enough of a heart to want to help her out! You are not crazy! We all want to feel as important as mom.. :)
    1countrygal

    Answer by 1countrygal at 10:06 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • thanks ladies im glad to know i am not crazy lol.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Sounds like a stereotypical mother in law versus wife situation. Not one I would want to be in. I would suggest talking to your husband and just letting him know how you feel. Maybe you can suggest that he talk to his mom and set up one day a week when he can come over and help her out with some chores. And maybe you all, as a family, can start going over and hanging out once a week as well. Something to try and bring you all together rather than having him feel like he has to choose between you two.

    Or invite her over for dinner and spend time at your house with your kids and him...well and you too of course. Make her feel welcome at your house and maybe she won't feel the need to drag him away from you all the time.
    munch12502

    Answer by munch12502 at 11:10 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • My dh jumps whenever his mom calls too, but she doesn't even pay him! lol I have to fight with him just to take the trash out here, but whatever she asks, he's right there. I've had to put my foot down a few times because sometimes it gets to be too much. Sorry, I don't really have any advice for you, just wanted to say you're definately not alone! Good Luck!
    mom2XandZ

    Answer by mom2XandZ at 11:47 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I'd be ill about this. My MIL used to call my DH on his weekends off (he only has 2 off a month) and she'd want her grass cut or her house pressure washed. Or my FIL would call and want him to "help" him do things around his house. It just made me angry! I finally told him that it's wasn't right and that he needed to spend that time with his family. It took a while, but he finally stopped going when they called. But it's hard for them to tell their parents no. I'd talk with him about it and maybe have a set day and time for him to go do things for his mom. The other time is family time. GL
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 12:24 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Wait!! SHE PAYS HIM??? Are you kidding? Thank your lucky stars, honey! If your MIL is doing this as a competition for your hubby's affection, then you've already won because she has to pay for his time. And if not, then you are MOST FORTUNATE to have a MIL who realizes that your husband's time is valuable ~ in cash! I would have killed for a MIL like that!
    jburg2541

    Answer by jburg2541 at 11:12 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

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