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3 Bumps

Am i carrying my fiance's child?

Im 37 weeks pregnant, recently engaged and heres my story:

My fiance' and i weren't trying to start a family, but we were being irresponsible, knowing the consequences.. and honestly, not too worried about the outcome. we love eachother and if a baby was conceived, then so be it. So we went about our "active" lives, sleeping together almost daily, unprotected i might add. Not every day consulted in him "finishing" inside of me. But i'd say 4 out of 7 days he did. Now one of these weeks i made the mistake of hanging out with an old friend i used to have feelings for... (yes, this is where you think its going.) He was about to leave for the military, being deployed, yet again.. So i said eh what the hell, a few drinks with him wouldnt hurt.. well it did.. we ended up messing around and kind-of sleeping together. He, well you know, for the lack of detail, did what men do.. and i quickly snapped to reality and said i cant do this, im engaged and its not right! I obviously have not told my fiance' of this maaajor mistake, because i dont want to hurt him over something that is honestly nothing. As of this point, my friend and i have no spoken in about 7 months and probably never will again.. so i dont want to grudge up some messy story for nothing. and so here comes my question:

I read in other posts about women who slept around and dont know who the father is, im not sure im in that situation, but id like an opinion anyway.. I know precum is not actually "cum" but can contain sperm, so is it even the slightest bit possible that the father of my child is my friend deployed over seas and not my fiance'??? or are my guilty feelings getting the best of me? The same night my friend and i messed around and i had slept with my fiance' as well.. oh yes, im skanky, i know, it happens... i've moved on from it, so i dont need judging fingers telling me im some horrible wife-to-be and yadda yadda yadda.. i just want an opinion on the baby matter. If there is a big possibility of my child being my friends and not the man im about to marry, im obviously going to tell him the truth, but id like a few opinions before i potentially screw up the rest of my life and my childs life. thanks.

Answer Question

Asked by lostnconfuzed at 2:39 AM on Apr. 29, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • What was the day of your last period, and about when was it you slept with your friend?

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 2:43 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Well since you don't want the lecture (Though its killing me to not give it) I'll skip it. But to answer your question, yes its possible. Look at your possible date of conception and see if it falls around the same time. IMO even if it doesn't you should tell your fiancĂ©e. But thats up to you.

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 2:45 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Im not sure when my last one was, im irregular, but my conception date was 5 days after i slept with both my fiance' and friend.

    Comment by lostnconfuzed (original poster) at 2:46 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • My husband said sperm only lives about 72 hrs, although I've heard other places it could live longer. Did you and fiance do anything between those days?

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 2:48 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I just feel like every one makes a mistake, and not everyone is perfect so i dont feel like i should mess up something so perfect if its nothing.. some things can be left in the dark if its for the better of all parties.. and i honestly believe this would be if its what i think. Also, my friend never finished, obviously, im not even sure there was precum, he was still pretty soft when he entered.. and we were drunk... but i mean it was a good solid 2 minutes before i realized what i was doing and quickly ended all actions.

    Comment by lostnconfuzed (original poster) at 2:50 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Yeah. That day and the day after, and probably the day after. lol.

    Comment by lostnconfuzed (original poster) at 2:50 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • If you are SURE about conception date, then I would say 95% sure it is your fiance's. Yeah, there's still a slight chance it COULD be the other guy's (if he does pre-cum, not all guys do, ya know).

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 2:53 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • It sounds possible but I don't know for sure. I'm not going to lecture but I would like to encourage you to talk to your fiance about this. What if he somehow hears about if from someone other than you? He does need to know. A relationship needs to be built on honesty. *hugs* I hope you get things figured out.

    Answer by GodsAmiga at 2:55 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Wow, i may sound dumb, but i honestly didnt know that all guys didnt precum... every guy i have ever slept with and by that i mean, fully slept with, has had precum... i truly thought all guys did it, like how all girls get.. well.. "wet". This night, with my friend, i couldnt tell you in god honest truth if there was any, it kind of happened before i registered what was going on and all i really remember was thinking god he was soft for wanting do that, when i was on my way home. lol.

    Comment by lostnconfuzed (original poster) at 2:57 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Well what i meant by honestly nothing, is if the child ends up being my fiance's i dont see any reason and ruining our relationship over something so dumb. a stupid mistake. its not like i was aware then that i would be pregnant now. and like i said before, if its truly what im thinking, some things should just be left in the dark. im sure my fiance' has plenty he has never told me and probably never will. does that make our relationship bad? i dont think so. I think we are both young, inperfect human beings who are very much in love with eachother and want to have whats best for us both at heart. Im sure if he made a mistake and kissed some girl at the bar, hes not going to run home and tell me, he will leave it in the dark. and the chances of him finding anything out is slim to none. the only people who know anything about that night are him and i and i delete my internet history the second my browser closes out.

    Comment by lostnconfuzed (original poster) at 3:02 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

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