Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Dealing with a younger siblings learned 'Autistic beahviors'

My DD is 3 and has recelty began to mimic my DS melt-downs when she gets angry. She is sent to her room as he is and then flies off the handle just like him. Screaming things like ' I hate you, I hate my room, I hate the rocking horse...' then proceeds to throw things at her door... again just like her brother. Noe before you say 'why aren't you teaching your son not to do these things?' Well, I we are and have been for many years now! It is a slow process because he is hard to sooth and once he is in melt-down mode there isn't a lot you can do other than wait it out and have him clean up his mess and talk about it. Which is also what we are doing with DD. WE talk and ask her to clean it up. My question is how much do I put into this learned behavior? DO I stick with what I am doing or because she is 'typical' do I correct her more because she is capable of NOT acting this way by using communication than he is. I don;t want her to feel she being 'targeted' but at the same time I HAVE to hold them at different standards. This would be so much easier if he was younger than her... How do you explain to a 3 and half year old that your older brother has a different and slightly lower for the time being set of expectations...? How do I not build resentment while correcting her learned behaviors? Any advice or articles would be great.

Answer Question

Asked by But_Mommie at 9:38 AM on Apr. 29, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 44 (181,645 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Ah, I feel for your situation. My sister has kinda the same issue in her home (her oldest is Autistic, and the others- all 5 of them- act like him).
    After seeing what happens when you do not correct a 'normal' child, man... All I can say, is that you have got to nip it in the bud NOW. I understand the issue with your son, but you can not apply the same rules to your daughter or she is going to run your household, and head straight for trouble.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 9:43 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I know! I just feel like I am setting her up to resent him at the same time. So you agree I need to crack down more on her...

    Comment by But_Mommie (original poster) at 9:46 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Ah mom, I know how you feel my brothers eldest child is autistic and although the other 3 are not they like to mimic too. Huggs your not alone

    Answer by MexTexmom2 at 9:50 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • i think it time to chance your dd time out i use my hall as there nothing in my hall it very boring and there nothing there to throw lol pic a place in your house like this and send here there for 3 mins if she comes out put her back and restart the time . if she screams ignore her do not respond at all but if her 3 mins runs out and she still screaming just say you cant come out time out till your stop scream then go back to ignoring her . when she finely gets out of time out she must give you an apology . at 1st she try every trick and for the 1st week it will be hard work but she will soon see it dose not work. if she trys the why dose ds not have the same time out as me just tell her because your not ds and the is best for you lol


    Answer by feralkitten at 9:55 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • is a hard age anyway and i do not have an autistic child so i have no help at all with him but i bet your doing a much better job than i could do . i deal with a step son with behavioural problems thanks to him past so i am very skilled at the perfect time out lol how ever my 2 year old a night mare so i only hope he better by 3

    Answer by feralkitten at 9:55 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • DD is 14 and on the spectrum. My twins are 6 and NT. I put my twins in time-out on a 'naughty step'. I supervise them and coach them to calm down. ASD meltdowns are different from NT tantrums. A tantrum is done for attention, and ASD meltdow is not. I found some interesting stuff on You Tube. Search Aspergers Tantrum on You Tube. Once you see the explanation of where the differences are, you will be able to treat them differently.  You may want to use 1-2-3 Magic with the approach you take with your daughter.

    From an early age, I explained to my sons that their sister's brain is wired differently from theirs - which is why our expectations are different and why we treat them differently.


    Answer by JSD24 at 9:56 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I know she is little, but she is also old enough to understand why her behavior is inappropriate. You can do it in a calm loving way. I would worry less about her resentment (that happens between siblings for far less) than I would the long term impact of the behaviors she is learning now.
    What she is learning now, will carry over into her adolescent years and even her adult life. She'll be treated badly for her bad behavior, which will only fuel it more. It is a vicious cycle.

    Even in my home, I have different rules for each of my children, based on their individual maturity and personality. They are all dealt with as individuals. We do have *some* simple house rules that apply to us all, but they also have individually applied rules. Everyone is OK with that.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 9:57 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.