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If your husband was out of work, wouldn't you want him to take advantage of every money-making opportunity?

A little background: Our friends are struggling financially. He lost his job a couple of weeks ago, a job that wasn't paying very much anyway, but it was still a job. Together, they have 6 kids ( she has 4 from her first marriage, she is divorced, and he has a daughter from HIS first marriage, his first wife died of cancer and they have a 5 month old baby together) Our minivan needs a minor repair and normally my husband would do it himself, but he is working 7 days a week, sometimes double shifts and doesn't have time to mess with it. Yesterday, he told our friend that he would pay him to fix it because he knows he would be too proud to just TAKE money from us. Our friend has the tools and the knowledge to fix it and he said he would. My husband took the van over this morning when he got off work ( he works nights) and his wife was having a cow about him taking the time to fix our van, because their oldest daughter has a doctor's appointment this afternoon and she will have to take some of the kids to the appointment by herself. First of all, he is working on the van this morning, and will most likely be done before lunch. Second, she shouldn't have been ragging on him in front of my husband, that is disrespectful. Third, as my friend pointed out, if he hadn't married her a year ago, she'd be dealing with her 4 kids by herself. Fourth, HE NEEDS A JOB!! They have no income and he needs to jump on every chance he can to make money. I love her dearly, she is one of my best friends, but she is WAY too clingy and dependent. If he gets a full time job, she won't be able to handle it. As I said, my husband has been working 7 days a week, sometimes double shifts, for over a year. Yeah it sucks that he isn't here as much as we'd all like but if he doesn't work, we don't eat. Do you think she's overreacting? I want to say something to her, but I don't want to blow everything out of proportion and ruin our friendship over something minor.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:49 AM on Apr. 29, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • That girl is WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too stressed, especially to scoff at a money opp staring her in the face. Pray for her, and more so, pray for him.

    Answer by Dahis at 10:52 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • She's being nuts. It was nice of you to offer him work but now you have learned not to since it isn't appreciated.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 10:51 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • she needs to relax...everything will work out just fine

    Answer by Katie2011Hale at 10:58 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I probably wouldn't say anything, unless this happened several times. Did she KNOW her husband was getting paid for fixing the van?

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 10:52 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Maybe just ask if she could use the money, like another mom said does she realize she's getting money for it? I would stay out of their business I guess. My bro in-law and his family are in the same situation with even more kids than that. It's hard for me to keep my mouth shut, but it's really none of my business.

    Answer by yesmaam at 10:57 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Yes she knew we are paying him to fix the van.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:58 AM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Anon, the truth is, he OFFERED to fix our van the other day when he realized there was something wrong with it, and my husband took him up on the offer yesterday and told him he'd pay him. He could have said no if he didn't have the time, but thank you SOOOOO much for assuming that we are somehow screwing them over. As far as your situation goes, if your husband has a job, all he has to do is say NO when people ask him to do things, it's not hard to do. I should have known I'd get some kind of judgemental remark here.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:21 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Maybe she's been asking him to do something to her vehicle and he keeps putting it off. Then your man brought his over and he's ready to work on that right away! I'd be upset.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 1:22 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I'd probably keep my nose out of their business, including how she deals with her husband. She sounds and, rightly so, extremely stressed with six kids. I can understand where you are coming from about him needing to earn money but I can also understand where she is coming from. Having dealt with this a lot, even though my DH has a job, it gets really old when people come to your husband because he has tools and in everyone else's eyes "has the time". This guy has a wife, six kids, and is probably job hunting so likely time is all but nonexistent. Not to mention the last thing they need is more stress from a friend judging them. Having dealt with this a lot can say that I see this as a little less than you're doing them a favor and more like you're the ones getting the favor by getting the work done for way less than a garage would charge. Maybe you should just lighten up on them. They have enough to deal with.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Apr. 29, 2011