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6 Bumps

Foster parenting 2 kids! HELP!

my SIL had all 6 of her kids taken away yesterday! they placed them with family but my other SIL can not handle all of them so we r taking 2 of them! a 5 year old girl and the trouble maker 15 year old girl! the 15 year old is in rehab right now for cocaine and was thought to b pregnant, we r not totally sure if she is! we will have the kids for at least 6 months! we have a 14 month old lil girl so im not thrilled to have the 15 year old but no one else wants her and i would hate to put her in foster care!

wat would u do with the 15 year old? im so worried!

 
Caroline2010

Asked by Caroline2010 at 1:54 PM on Apr. 29, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 21 (10,292 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • perhaps the prospect of a fresh start at a new school would be of interest to her. she doesn't have to be the troublemaker druggie. she could be a cheerleader, a drama geek, whatever she wants to transform into. If she'll listen, be reasonable, and help you set up a list of house rules to follow it could work.... only if she is willing to change though.
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 2:00 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I would take her put firm rules in place and don't back down and at the same time show her live and support she might surprise you.
    EJKZ

    Answer by EJKZ at 1:58 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • oh jeez..... no one is going to adopt a 15 yr old. She'd be lucky to have the support/encouragement to finish highschool and then what? phase out of the foster system?

    I'd talk with social services about a trial run...... see if she can follow house rules? She might surprise you
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 1:58 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • that poor thing. I can't imagine what type of mother your SIL would be to have 6 kids being taken away and a 15 year old already in treatment for cocaine.. just try to remember what she must have gone through and maybe set up some instant cousneling?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:00 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • She's probably never had a real family type living environment, and probably allowed to run wild her entire life. Give her structure and obviously rehab, but I think with consistency of a real family will make a world of difference. She probably doesn't even know what love is, I mean a mother-daughter relationship. Try not to go into in with a negative attitude :) I cannot imagine how hard it will be for everyone, but who know give it some time and maybe she'll end up being an awesome babysitter for you!
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 2:05 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • How wonderful of you to take in these two girls! It is going to be a big adjustment for everyone, not just the two girls, so family counseling would be a very good idea for all of you, plus individual counseling for the two girls. Rules will be important & both girls should have family chores just as if they were your own children, but keep it all "matter of fact" & not "you must do XXX", kwim? Most of all, be positive, be excited & be loving (even if you have to grit your teeth to smile ;-). These girls are going to challenge you & your authority. They're going to be angry, hurt, resentful, ashamed, confused and so much more. They'll probably act out on their emotions b/c that's what kids do & it won't necessarily be you they're mad at. Patience will be paramount! Blessings for your family & good luck.
    mom2aspclboy

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 4:42 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • all she ever was for her mom was a babysitter and a maid! it was awful! im just worried about my dd! she is going from an only child with me home all the time and then to have to share me with 2 kids all the sudden! im afraid she will feel left out since i have to watch the 15 year old like a hawk! its going to b a big change! i just hope i can make a difference in her life!
    Caroline2010

    Comment by Caroline2010 (original poster) at 2:20 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • DONT DO WRONG FROM WRONG ! TAKE HER N U WOULDNT WANT HER TO B IN A FOSTER HOME ! TAKE HER N AND DISCIPLINE HER THE BEST WAY YUH CAN EVEN IF THAT MEANS WHOOPING HER ASS SHES NOT TO OLD ! TEACH HER SOME THINGS HER MAMA COULDNT SEEK OUT TO HER ! ITS ALL ABOUT HOW YUH DO IT WHOOP HER ASS SHELL GET SOME ACT RYTE !
    mommyof2519

    Answer by mommyof2519 at 2:41 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • we cant hit her! not with CPS involved! we cant even punish her with out calling them first! we can ground her but nothing more! we will take her im just nervous!
    Caroline2010

    Comment by Caroline2010 (original poster) at 2:43 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • There are a lot of dynamics here... If possible a professional counselor is gonna be needed to get the bottom of why the girl is acting out and doing all these negative things.... a lot of times it is more than what's on the surface ex. Being the oldest of six kids, having so much responsibility, having no childhood... There could be other abuse issues driving her outrageous behavior... It also sounds like a lot of neglect so she probably isn't gonna get the whole "Real Family" thing... It also would be good for you and your SO to take great care in a way for you guys to sit down and have a heart to heart... Explain to her that the ways she is used to Is not right and this could be a fresh start at a good life with a family that loves her... Also this would also be a good time to lay down the rules and what will be expected of her(Chores but No Babysitting if possible she has had enough of that.)
    AyamiLove

    Answer by AyamiLove at 2:05 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

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