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Mother degrades me for having my son

I'm 24 y.o. mom of a 4 y.o. and I'm having my second son in July, and as time progresses I sense my mom having a problem with my lifestyle. When my mom and I are in public, I always get the comment you look too young to have a kid, and you're having another'.and my mom would always make some smart comment, telling people, 'She just won't learn' as if I'm 16 years old with 5 kids and even does this type of stuff at family events. But then when she gets home she calls me and asks me when am I bringing my son over. When I answer the phone she never says hello, just asks for my son. When she comes over, she speaks directly to him even when I'm talking so much my boyfriend said something about it when they left. My mom tells my son to call my boyfriend by his first name which agitates him because any parent doesn't want that. I told her time and time again even my son has, but she does it anyways. When she wants she just pops up at my house unexpected and tells me shes taking my son out- which I tell her no on and I never budge about that. She even tried to throw my son his birthday party without asking me what I was doing first and when I told them no she refused to show up until his party was almost over. When my birthday came around a week later she called me asked me had I heard from my sister and hung up in my face. My boyfriend and I are buying a new house and she has been nagging me telling me I'm trying to keep her from my son. Truth be told I'm moving for my own satisfaction but I don't see the point of being bothered with her. She always says things to try to embarrass me for having my kid, when if my sister wouldnt have had abortions she'd have 3 kids by different men right now. I don't like being treated this way when I'm totally independent and I am a great mother. My boyfriend always tells me to do whatever I feel best but I try to be fair and look at it from my sons pov as well.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Apr. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • She can have a good g'ma grandson relationship with him, but that does not mean you do :) Sounds like you need a long break from mom.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 2:50 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • DId your Mother have you at a very young age? Sometimes I've noticed Mothers who have children young, and then when their children have children young, they can't handle it. So they project all of their unhappiness about how much they "missed out on" onto their child. If that's not the case- and even if it is- I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. If I were you, I'd create some guidelines with your boyfriend, then sit her down and present them to her. Basically tell her what her options are as far as contact/behavior/times she can see your son- and let her take it or leave it. Props for you standing up to her when she tries to take him out unexpectedly, but sounds like you need to be as blunt as possible with the rest. Congrats on moving, and good luck :D
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 2:51 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • you had your children at the medically ideal age for a woman's body to bear children. your mother is acting like a complete fool
    momofone725

    Answer by momofone725 at 2:55 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I Know my mom used to yell out at me in public those who indulge bulge and tell people I was too retarded to figure out bc but I only have two kids. Move away from her and tell her until she can be respectful to you and your bf she is not welcome. My mom still has not spoken to me when I told her if she could not respect me to my kids she should not come around that will be your moms loss.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:57 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Sad, but probably necessary to distance yourself from her. She is not someone you want in your life if she is going to choose to be rude, demeaning and disrespectful of you, your boyfriend and your life. GL mama xoxox
    BeachyBabe

    Answer by BeachyBabe at 2:58 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • As hard as it will be, just ignore her. I know it will be hard, but just try to remind yourself how good of a person you are & how you feel about having your 2nd child. Forget everyone else. No one else matters in the long run, Hun. The only opinions that your children form of you is that truly matters. Pay no attention to people. Opinons are like assholes, everyone has one & some are stinky and some you can put up with. The ones that are stinky, don't surround yourself by, the other ones - ignore or make the conv. about something else. Limit how much she knows about yourself, your life, your kids, etc. Good Luck, Hun.
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 3:01 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I agree , you should put some distance between you and your mom. My mom was like that when I had my first one at 25 but she eventually got over it and I hope yours does too.
    countrygirl06

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 3:06 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • This is the same reason I no longer talk to my father. He's a jerk. He completely ignores me over my kids, and will only say anything to me when he need to bitch me out for some lame thing (he was my landlord for years). I have cut him out of my life and I'm a LOT happier. My kids will be his ONLY grandkids. I understand that a grandparent/child bond is important, but if he wants to see MY kids then he has to talk to my husband. I want nothing to do with him, for any reason. And, since we've moved away from next door he can't just show up any time he feels like to see my kids.

    Unless and until your mother can respect you as an adult (neither of my parents do) she gets limited to NO contact with YOUR kids. Or, you can do what I do, have your boyfriend deal with her, if he's willing. She's had her shot to raise kids, now she needs to back off and let you have your turn.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 3:17 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Tell your mom you don't appreciate the way she treats you and until she can see that you are an adult and can make your own choices she needs to stop calling.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 3:17 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I'd let her know that YOUI are his mother and you get to make the decisions. If his bio father is not in his lfie and he connects to your bf as his "Dad" then why shouldn't he call him that? It takes any jackass to be a sperm donor, but a real man to be a "Dad." When she makes mean comments about you, I'd pipe back with "Why do you have to be so rude?" If she emeberases you, emberass her right back. It may not be the most matur ething to do, but it will teach her to keep her comments to herself. If she can't get the point, then cut her out. You only need suportive, loving people around.
    hill_star03

    Answer by hill_star03 at 3:20 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

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