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Friend with benefits

I have a friend that he and I have been friends for about 8 months. Initially when we first met we were looking for something more, but life was complicated and we decided to just get to know each other first. Well there was always a spark, chemistry, and a connection but we have behaved and remained friends and not ever been physical. Well now we are thinking about it but he has guilt issues because he is freshly divorced and is fearful of hurting his kids even though they know nothing about us. I am afraid to think we might get to this level and then he might freak out on me. We have talked about it and had some extensive flirting but I still think he may change his mind. I don't want to get my hopes up and I am pefectly fine and clear that it may never end up in us having an actual romantic relationship, but we both need this very much. Any input?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:25 PM on Apr. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Maybe its him?He might be scared that he will develop feelings and won't know how to deal with it.

    Answer by booger14 at 4:29 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • that is something I wonder. He always tell me he is afraid he will hurt me or if it don't develop into what he thinks it might develop into that he does not want me to feel hurt. But even when I reassure him that I am fully aware of what we will be doing and that I have no expectations he still touts that excuse. I wonder if he is not in fact more afraid of himself feeling something or wanting more. It is so hard to try to figure out, yet I would trust him for this more than anyone else and that is why I think we can and should.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:34 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Lot of time when 2 ppl are friends and wind up hvg sex the friendship is never the same...

    Answer by smiley745 at 4:49 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • If he is newly divorced the fear of a rebound is probably forefront in his mind... Friends with benefits is fine as long as both parties are mature enough to talk about what happens if one starts to catch feelings... You both go into it knowing that it is only sex. Very rarely have I seen the whole FtB work without someone catching feelings and getting hurt, so both of you need to proceed with caution, take your time and the most important thing is to have fun and not to rush things.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 4:49 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Take your time.

    Answer by MyMyOhMy at 9:21 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Perhaps you are more ready than he is.
    Many just-divorced people feel confused and do crazy things right after their divorce.... things that they soon regret.
    He's told you in so many ways that he's not ready or certain yet, and his kids' opinion counts...

    Try to protect yourself from his future change of mind.
    Play "hard to get", until he's ready and starts chasing you...


    Answer by EscapeGirl at 10:31 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

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