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2 Bumps

What should I do---what would you do

I have been changing my mind everyday!! My ex went to treatment for alcholism in nov, he is still in a halfway house. He wants to come home, what do I do.
1. if he comes back people will say he only came back because he didn't have anywhere else to go.
2. if his eyes ever get red from his allergies and he seems over tired people accuse him of drinking(this happen last week he was home for a visit) you can not aske a guy that has been in treatment almost 5 months if he has been drinking all the time, that would make him want to drink.
3. people are asking me if he went to treatment for a play to stay for for real. How the hell am I suppose to know.
We were together over 4 years, and people are saying he is only calling me and wanting to get back together out of habit(like he is too lazy to go find someone else)

If you were me what would you do?

Answer Question
 
blue_glass_mama

Asked by blue_glass_mama at 5:42 PM on Apr. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,982 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I'd say forget other people. It's none of their business, in my opinion, and you are the one who has to live with whatever decision you make. Do you believe him? Do you think he is really getting better? This is your life, your decision and no one else's.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 5:44 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • If I loved him enough and I truly believed in my heart that he had changed for the better and he will stay that way I'd let him come home.But if I had doubt in my mind that it wouldnt last..I would not put my children or myself through anymore drama/trauma.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 5:46 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • 1. Don't worry about what others might "think" or "say" doesn't matter.
    2. Don't move back in with him or let him move in with you. In this critical point in his recovery he needs to be on his own.
    3. He needs to decide for himself to want to stay sober and get better for his well being.
    4. You will be driving yourself nuts wondering what he's done or doing and you'll end up fighting which will cause him to relapse.
    5. You need to think about your mental health and your child. If daddy makes regualr visits for a reasonable amount of time it shouldn't effect your child too much.
    6. Happy and healthy parents apart are better than miserable ones together.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 5:48 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Exactly. Forget what other people say and think. Other peoples opinions have been around forever and that will never change.

    What do YOU want? If you want to make it wor, then give it a go. If people are going to continually ask him if he has/hasn't been drinking, don't be around those people.

    When people as you "if he went to treatment for a play to stay for for real", tell them just what you said - HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW. ASK HIM!

    After he is out of treatment it might be good for him and you to not live together or be together. Give it some time. He needs to focus on him and his recovery before he can focus on anything else.

    Good luck momma!!!!
    cheekycherub

    Answer by cheekycherub at 5:49 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Some people never change no matter how hard they try or want to - and if he can't you and your child are better off a safe distance away. At the same time if you love him and want to make it work then you should see him in small doses and he will need to be open with you about sobriety, it shouldn't be something he can't share with you. Just be on your toes and don't let him give you ultimatums if you have any doubts. He needs to know if he wants you and the child he will have to be working - hard
    Ethans_Ma

    Answer by Ethans_Ma at 8:08 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • EX - say no. Not your responcibility
    MyMyOhMy

    Answer by MyMyOhMy at 9:19 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • 1. Don't care what people will say. People don't pay your bills, and most of them don't care for you in a profound way.
    2. 3. 4. Hmmmm, people, people. people...
    Who are all these people ? Family ? Friends? Colleagues ? Neighbors ?
    You seem to care so much for their opinion, so you may be happy with what they decide for your life.
    You deserve to make your own dreams and plans, others can decide but it will never be what YOU REALLY WANT.

    SO: DO YOU LOVE YOUR MAN ? IS HE GOOD TO YOU ? DOES HE LOVE YOU ? ARE YOU HAPPY WITH HIS GOOD SIDE ?

    Love needs forgiveness to grow and last ... Give him a second chance, and a third. He 's been trying for 5 months now, and it wasn't easy.... That's what you must say to all these people : He loves me and he tries hard ....
    EscapeGirl

    Answer by EscapeGirl at 10:17 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

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