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Did i make the right choice? VERY LONG

i want you ladies to be brutally honest, and yes i know that will be hard for you since you dont know me. back in 2008 i met my dd father (we will call him m) through a friend. this friend gave m my number and m called me. when we first got together i thought he was UGLY but stayed with him cause... well if you will be brutally honest so will i... i wanted sex. the sex with him wasnt great but it was all i was getting so i stayed. a few months later we were engaged cause i thought he was a really nice guy and i wanted a father for my 2 year old ds. in the end of nov 2008 we moved in together (i had to quit 2 jobs and move an hour away) i ended up with no friends and no family support so i depended on him for all of my companionship. i found out in dec that i was expecting again. at that time we decided together that i would wait to work until the new baby was like 3 months old even though we didnt have much of an income and were barely scraping by. over the next year m and i both held in a lot of anger and annoyences which resulted in big major blowout arguements where we would both yell and scream. i thought he spent to much time talking about how these other girls brought him lunch at work and wanted him to hang out with them while i wasnt around. he hated that i came on here and wouldnt leave the house and make new friends (i was super depressed.) he also didnt like that the house was always a mess. well one day i finally got so sick of him talking to these girls who were always around him that i told him to pick me or them (well at the time it was one) he picked me and stopped talking to the other girl but a few weeks later he was talking to another girl and the same thing happened. only this time he told me that he wasnt talking to her then i found his phone and saw that he had lied to me... so i let it go planning to talk with him the next day about it. well that night i heard him texting at 1 am... i went back to sleep and texted him from work the next day... i asked him if he was happy in our relationship. he didnt respond. a few hours later i sent him another text saying that if it was the other girl i wanted him to take his tax check and go. he flipped out and told me it was over. he picked our daughter up from daycare (she was 5 months at this time and primarily breastfed although she did take a bottle at daycare some days.) m hid her from me for 2 nights. i had to get a restraining order that said the child was supposed to stay with me in order for me to get her back. well here i am a year later and i wonder if i handled that the right way or if i should have waited til we were face to face before trying to figure out what all happened. the reason i didnt talk to him before work is that he had to be at work at 5 am and i wasnt even up yet. but know... i dont know... i feel saddened by everything that happened. i want to apologize but honestly dont know if i did anything wrong... i felt so conrtolled and belittled while i was with him. i was at home with the kids when i wasnt working. he didnt like that i didnt clean so i started to (only to have him stop) and i felt like i was doing what i could to keep us together but now im not so sure... so what do you think? did i do the right thing? oh and now he is with one of the girls so im wondering if anything happened between them while we were together...

 
mommy06and09

Asked by mommy06and09 at 5:54 PM on Apr. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Level 11 (531 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Why would you apologize to him??? for taking your 5 mo old away from u??? for HIM CHEATING ( by texting, socializing & whatever else) while you are at home tending to the kid/s??? Did you make his mind go elsewhere to these other girls??? YOU should have kept a better house I can agree on that but that didnt make him wonder off to other girls. Just saying. BE THANKFUL you have the kids and build that self worth back up... that self esteem. ( My story is similar to yours, and I'm telling you... that emotional and mental beat down we get into slowly w/o realizing it.... then it smacks us in the face.... trying to boost back up is not a quick process. DONT ALLOW HIS CONTROL OF YOU ANYMORE. Here if you need a shoulder or ear...
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 6:35 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • We all make choices in life and it's best to not dwell on the past or on what should or could have been. You need to realize that whether you handled the situation right or wrong it doesn't really matter because he has moved on. If he was so mean and inconsiderate of you before why would things change now? I think the best thing for you to do is move on and not think of what ifs. You have your kids, I'm thinking you have your health, that should be all the more reason to move on with life. You will find out soon that you are a strong woman who can do anything you set your mind to. This will pass and you'll think back at that time in your life as a learning experience. Buck up buttercup. Life is what you make it.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 6:06 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • i think everything that happened...happened for a reason. Who texts at 1 am? someone who is into each other is the answer. I text my girlfriend all day but i don't text when i know hubby's asleep. Sounds like he kinda wanted to be caught though, he was just waiting for you to play into his game so he could move on to someone else.

    Sounds like you really never had true love feelings for him, it was just lust and someone who did gave you his best and you liked that too much so you didnt let him go. Sounds like you two didnt really click together. I think you did the right thing and no need to apologize, you gave him your best and he still wasnt happy. He just wanted someone who would act like a ragdoll.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 6:05 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • There's really no point in dwelling on what you could have, should have, would have done. The past has passed and the future is yet to come so why don't you just open your present? :)

    My DH and I went through a lot of jealousy, frustration, lies, cheating, and other horribleness when we were first starting out. We made up, got over it, and went on with our lives. We've been married now for over 3 years (together for almost 8) and things are much much better. BUT, not everyone can do that. Some people really aren't meant to be together and rough roads cause them to turn back and find new paths in life. From what I've read here, it sounds like you didn't really want to be with him to begin with. It sounds like he tried to use the baby to hurt you when he was hurt/upset/angry at the situation. You both made mistakes. Do not revisit it. Let him go on with his life and you with yours. Your DDs will be happier and you will too.
    AmourSpork

    Answer by AmourSpork at 6:21 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I think you did the right thing and you just need to sit down and know it.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:27 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • i don't understand, why are you dwelling on this now? what's done is done, the past is the past. it was immature to text him instead of talk- but you did NOTHING wrong. just move on and hope/work for better things...good luck
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 6:40 PM on Apr. 29, 2011