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My sisters ex hasn't seen her son his whole life (3 years) what can or will they do if she goes to court?

my sister has a son that will be 3 years in July. Well when he was about 3 months old my sister was going to go after the dad for child suport she went for a dna with him and she wasn't sure if the dad showed up or not. Well that was the last she tried anything she just recently got a letter from the court saying she will be having to go to court and so will he. This is almost 3 years later. He talked to her when she was in the hospital, but didn't go see the baby. He hasn't ever seen his son and he is almost 3. As far as he knows my sisters boyfriend who has been their since he was 2 months old is his dad that is who he calls daddy. Well, if they go to court and he ends up wanting to see his son. How will they do that when this child doesn't know him? Will they let him just take the child on weekends or what not like he has always been there? Also my sister said he smokes pot all the time and he doesn't have a place to live he stays at diffrent friends houses and she said he is eresponsible will that affect him seeing his son? My nephew is pretty bad and I don't think he would be able to handle him my sister doesn't think so either (by himself). What would they do in this situation? Or what can my sister do. She doesn't care if he sees his son, but not alone. She would like him to give up his rights, but she doesn't know if he will.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on Apr. 29, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (26)
  • Is it for child support? If they havent gone for child support and are just now going the only thing the judge will address is child support. If he hasnt been in the childs life she should contact the dad and see if he wants to terminate his rights and allow the bf to adopt. If he refuses she can see a family lawyer and petition for a termination of parental rights because the child was abandoned. In most states as long as you have a father figure willing to adopt they grant it as long as the bio parent has not paid child support or visited in one year. She would likely be able to get this done.

    Answer by gemgem at 6:52 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Unfortunately for your sister, the courts do not care if the father has not seen the child in three years. This happend to a close friend. The father had not seen the children since they were about 5 and he returned when one of them was 17 and the others were ages 15 through 12. The court said that the father had every right to see the children and scheduled visitations through a local center. Each parent paid fifty dollars for the visitation assistance through this agency. Anyway, the children protested to the point that the father stopped visiting after three months. What your sister should have done was filed for sole custody of the child when he was new born. If the father did not pay child support than the courts could attached his wages. Keep this in mind, if the father opts to arrive late for any court order visitation, have your sister file a report. This will create a paper trail and help her case.

    Answer by alejandra559 at 7:02 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • this was in the state of california. I am not familiar with family law in other states. Good luck to your sister.

    Answer by alejandra559 at 7:03 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Did she ever get public assistance, like food stamps or anything?

    Answer by anichols1 at 7:04 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I am not sure what it is for actually and neither does she. She was asuming it was for child suport since she is on food stamps. But she went to have a dna done when he was 3 months old and just now hearing something all they said was she was going to have to appear in court and that he was going to have to too and they didn't tell her what it was for. But it had my nephews name on it too. He hasn't even tried to see him. The one time she asked him he said he didn't have gas money to get he lives about an hour away, but if it were me I would find away to get gas money to see my child. She was living with him and his handicapped mom, but he threw her out when he found out she was pregnant/ She was only a couple months along.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:07 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • She can also ask for supervised visits... ( around you all at a park or something... till he gets use to the BIO DAD), ask for a drug test to be given.

    I am sure they will not JUST hand over a 3 yr old to a stranger and allow him sole visits right now. but you could call the court house, cps and ask

    Answer by kkbird at 7:09 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • not sure how sole custody goes and how to do it, but I know this child has her last name on the birth certificate. It doesn't have a father on his birth certificate

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:09 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • oh and also he doesn't have a job either and he is 25

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:11 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • The mom can make a case of abandonment about the bio dad, she can make a case against the child being away from you and his "adopted" dad since he has never been with this other man. BUT she should not say anything about his drugs issues or place to stay. She can say she is has concerns about his stability, his place of residence. If he gets overnight visitation he would have to prove that the child has a place to stay that is HIS, not a shared bed, not a couch but his own room and bed and everything. I dont see him getting overnights or anything but I could see supervised visits and eventually unsupervised if he stayed in the picture

    Answer by tabi_cat1023 at 7:12 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Did she ever get public assistance, like food stamps or anything?

    yes she gets food stamps. She doesn't get help with houseing she probably could, but she lives with her bf and his parents. She also gets help for daycare. She was getting wic, but she stopped going because with work she couldn't get there or she would still be getting it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:13 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

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