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Do any of you have an alcoholic husband who has assaulted you in the past ,,but now going thru treatment process calls you horrible names,belittles you,i suppose to make them feel good... and tell you they want you out of their life,,,then after a week or so get back to the Ilove you so very much,,and kiss on you and act as thoufgh they are proud of you,,,like cycles... Help

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Garysbabe

Asked by Garysbabe at 7:37 PM on Apr. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Yeah, I left the bastard 12 years ago. He is still an alcoholic.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 7:40 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • two choices.... leave... or couples therapy/counseling!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 7:40 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I would say withdraws? They make you VERY moody and mean and nice. I have a family of addicts and I wouldnt never want to be married to one. They get so ugly and cold and i question if some of my family even have hearts. Sorry your going through this. My friends dh was like this but with pot he was very moody for a year and now hes fine idk if you stay be prepared for this and he might even backslide so its hard. I wish you strength and success in what ever you do!

    whitenena

    Answer by whitenena at 7:45 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Its never gonna end unless he gets serious help. I have a kinda the same situation and I have found that because I have a relationship with Jesus Christ that it has gotten much better.(not gonna argue religious stuff) People that are hurting hurt other people so if you can get to the depth of his hurt and he can be healed then your relationship can be healed.He will never change unless that happens because he doesent see that he is hurting you its normal to him.It is unfortunately a cycle that will never end unless there is change!!!! good luck and I hope that you can both find healing and restoration.
    mammaangelof4

    Answer by mammaangelof4 at 7:48 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • Yep. My life for 8 years. I left. I've never regretted leaving. He's still an alcoholic.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 7:55 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • it is a cycle. the kissing on you is the "honeymoon phase" - when it's over you're in the "walking on eggshell phase" until you reach the "shit hits the fan phase" and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat. what do you do to stop it dead in it's tracks? get him to agree to actively participate in counseling. if he doesn't want to, LEAVE, because it will never stop unless he makes the effort.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:25 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I would leave. Recovering is a long process but that doesn't excuse him from verbally abusing you. If he really wants to be with you, HE needs to do whatever it takes to be the man you deserve.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:30 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I know lots about recovery because I went through it almost 8 years ago... I have 8y clean. Under any circumstance no matter his excuse should you put up with abuse whether verbal, physical etc...
    It is better for the recovering addict for you to not put up with it...yes it is good to be a support but many times being a support is saying I will not tolerate this!
    An addict has to come to terms with how they affect those around them instead of thinking its just affecting themself... saying sorry and being lovey is just a form of manipulation until the next episode...
    If you are in counselling great! Be very open and honest...especially about the abuse/both kinds....if you are gonna make this work you will need an substance abuse counsellor.... to do family counsil... never cover up for him...
    If the abuse continues. leave! Usually takes somethin drastic to wake em up
    You have to love yourself before you can truly love
    mdbunch

    Answer by mdbunch at 10:11 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I would suggest you attend Ala Non if you aren't already and I am hoping he is in AA.
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 10:17 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • I had an alcoholic husband who was abusive. It took him putting me in the hospital to make me realize that if I wanted to live a safe life, I had to leave. Here I am, four years after our divorce with a new life, new husband (not perfect, but this one is willing to work out problems), and a beautiful daughter. Leaving was the right choice.
    heratyc

    Answer by heratyc at 2:26 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

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