Tonight my 4yo decided to put DH xbox earpiece in her mouth for a while (ew lol) and I was just like "oops hunny that can mess up daddys ear thing, yuck".. and dh turns around & sees what she did & starts with a stern voice "what are you thinking! you know better than that! why did you do that?"
DD bust out crying! She felt really bad & did not MEAN to mess it up, she probably thought the earpiece was an interesting texture on her tongue (uh but the taste?!)
So I calm DD, and understatedly (not rude at all) tell dh "she didnt mean to do it"..
He starts "Oh i know now im the bad guy, im always the bad guy" and pretty much makes ME FEEL GUILTY for thinking he is to hard. or its my fault he feels like a bad dad.
He always does this! He gets on DD for things that where accidents or just simply on things dd doesnt understand (like above) and if i try to explain to him to not be so stern, hes just hurting her.. He gets defensive.
What can I do?!
(he does this with money to, if he spends too much or whatever he starts jumping back "ya im the bad guy" crap & I hate it. It makes *ME* feel guilty! And sometimes I honestly want to say "YES YOU ARE THE BAD GUY because you want a $50 video game instead of saving for our home" "Yes, because you spend more time correcting DD than caring for her" "Yes because .....(fill in blank).."
When he ask whats wrong i dont even answer anymore cuz if its because of him.. I automatically know he will pull the "im the bad guy card"..
What to do?
Sorry so long. ty for reading!
Asked by Anonymous at 12:52 AM on Apr. 30, 2011 in Relationships
Sounds like he has issues with accepting responsibility for his actions. Counseling would be the best thing for both of you. Otherwise, the situation will just deteriorate more. A marriage counselor can help him address how to deal with this and maybe help you find a way to talk to him without him feeling criticized.
Answer by momofkids at 8:23 AM on Apr. 30, 2011
My stbxh would do this. But he would also say " I'm always wrong, It's always my fault" He would turn things around and make it about himself when I was trying to talk to him about anything. It did not matter that I was not accusing him or anything like that. He would make me feel so guilty like it was totally me. It got to the point where I just stopped saying anything. I would not stand up for myself. He got his way. I guess I don't really have any advise. I will say though that my biggest regret was loosing my voice in the "relationship" . I think it would have probably ended years sooner in my case but I would not have lost myself along the way either. My stbxh was emotionally and verbally abusive but he was so good that I did not realize what he was doing for a long time. I am not saying that is what is happening in your case just mine. But I do think that you two should maybe seek counseling. It might help.
Answer by KyliesMom5 at 1:01 AM on Apr. 30, 2011
Answer by mhaney03 at 1:11 AM on Apr. 30, 2011
Answer by samurai_chica at 9:33 AM on Apr. 30, 2011