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"I'm always the bad guy & dont do anything right!" -DH.

Tonight my 4yo decided to put DH xbox earpiece in her mouth for a while (ew lol) and I was just like "oops hunny that can mess up daddys ear thing, yuck".. and dh turns around & sees what she did & starts with a stern voice "what are you thinking! you know better than that! why did you do that?"
DD bust out crying! She felt really bad & did not MEAN to mess it up, she probably thought the earpiece was an interesting texture on her tongue (uh but the taste?!)
So I calm DD, and understatedly (not rude at all) tell dh "she didnt mean to do it"..
He starts "Oh i know now im the bad guy, im always the bad guy" and pretty much makes ME FEEL GUILTY for thinking he is to hard. or its my fault he feels like a bad dad.
He always does this! He gets on DD for things that where accidents or just simply on things dd doesnt understand (like above) and if i try to explain to him to not be so stern, hes just hurting her.. He gets defensive.
What can I do?!
(he does this with money to, if he spends too much or whatever he starts jumping back "ya im the bad guy" crap & I hate it. It makes *ME* feel guilty! And sometimes I honestly want to say "YES YOU ARE THE BAD GUY because you want a $50 video game instead of saving for our home" "Yes, because you spend more time correcting DD than caring for her" "Yes because .....(fill in blank).."
When he ask whats wrong i dont even answer anymore cuz if its because of him.. I automatically know he will pull the "im the bad guy card"..
What to do?
Sorry so long. ty for reading!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:52 AM on Apr. 30, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Sounds like he has issues with accepting responsibility for his actions. Counseling would be the best thing for both of you. Otherwise, the situation will just deteriorate more. A marriage counselor can help him address how to deal with this and maybe help you find a way to talk to him without him feeling criticized.

    momofkids

    Answer by momofkids at 8:23 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • My stbxh would do this. But he would also say " I'm always wrong, It's always my fault" He would turn things around and make it about himself when I was trying to talk to him about anything. It did not matter that I was not accusing him or anything like that. He would make me feel so guilty like it was totally me. It got to the point where I just stopped saying anything. I would not stand up for myself. He got his way. I guess I don't really have any advise. I will say though that my biggest regret was loosing my voice in the "relationship" . I think it would have probably ended years sooner in my case but I would not have lost myself along the way either. My stbxh was emotionally and verbally abusive but he was so good that I did not realize what he was doing for a long time. I am not saying that is what is happening in your case just mine. But I do think that you two should maybe seek counseling.  It might help.

    KyliesMom5

    Answer by KyliesMom5 at 1:01 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • tell him just that.. tell him YES YOU ARE THE BAD GUY. and if his damn video game equipment is so fucking precious he can pick it up out her reach.
    mhaney03

    Answer by mhaney03 at 1:11 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • you saying "she didn't mean it" kind of belittled his way of disciplining her. My DH can do this too sometimes & he says he hates it when i defend DD after he has said something to her. He is right though, it does belittle him a little. Allow him to say what he has to say & then maybe later, you can ask him separately, away from your DD "do you think you were too harsh on her, sometimes i think you are"

    These things are best talked about away from the child. Not only does it belittle his disciplinary tactics, but it also puts a "bad guy" sticker on his forehead & it can also cause your child to play victim & pit you guys against each other to her advantage. That might come later on.

    Dads don't want their child to see them as the bad guy & when you call him out in front of her, it kind of does make him the bad guy & that might hurt his feelings. Sit with him & talk about how you both want to discipline her.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:33 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • samurai_chica...
    I have tried away from her.. But its with anything that is put on his shoulders.. Instead of accepting advice or whatever and taking critique.. He just plays "im the bad guy".
    DH is not seen as a bad guy because of me. He is a very loving father, dont get me wrong from the post or anything. But I have to bite my tongue sometimes on how he interacts with her...
    Alot of times I feel like our DD is on the backburner. when he plays with the dog & dd tries to jump in, I end up seeing my dd feels like a 3rd wheel. Or when our friends boys are around, he plays with them & interacts with them that makes me feel jealous for dd cuz he doesnt do that with her..
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:47 AM on May. 1, 2011

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