Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

What can i do to make the discipline work better for my 4 year old daughter since me and her father are seperated.

My daughter is 4 years old and she is normally a well behaved,polite,helpful, and has manners . But now we have split custody he has her for a week then ill have her the next week and so on but its been difficult for her especially since her dad has a new girlfriend and they would never let me meet her until i made it happen mostly for my daughter because once she can see we could be friends my daughter can be to. so when i saw how happy it was making her to know that we were finally going to meet my daughter was so happy cause she didnt have to feel like she had to hate her for me. But the going back and fourth has caused her attitude to become worse and im the disipliner not him so i have to get her back to my rules when coming from dads and get her back to the way i want things cause she acts like shes trying to test me. her dad just buys her stuff to avoid conflict.What can i do to avoid re teaching her aftercomingbak

Answer Question
 
Katrina K.

Asked by Katrina K. at 7:15 AM on Apr. 30, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • She must be a very confused and hurt little girl. I do think that going back & forth one week at a time is a bit much because once she settles in at one place she is uprooted & brought to another place & the rules are different at both houses. If it were me I would talk to my ex & see if he is willing to help out with this. Maybe setting something up at his house & your house that is the same. What I did for my children was marble jars. I got glass jars & colored marbles. When my children behaved, listened, did their choirs, they got to put a marble in the jar. When they misbehaved or didn't listen they got one taken away. After "X" amount of marbles they got a special treat. Maybe you ex would be willing to try this because it is pretty easy. If not then I would talk to you DD, tell her you understand the rules are different but she needs to follow your rules when she is with you. Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:23 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • Ya we do alot of the same things like that for example we do work books with her and give her positive feed back with it and just some other fun things its just that he is a softee with her because of his upbringing and im more of the bad cop i guess u can say but when she is at either of our houses she tests us and tries to see what she can get away with. I think it has to do with wanting the attention because of this hard situation shes going thru so im alot more softer with her now but its just that is way of solving things is to say oh lacey dont do it again and because his mom is trying to comensate for her giving him a crappy life she uses money to try and make it better so he things that what he has to do with her but to be honest she can care less because she really just wants private time with him and she always has private time with me. Ive been setting it up where we all hang out so my daughter sees us together,hapi
    Hurricanemom14

    Answer by Hurricanemom14 at 7:46 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • You have to be on the same page as your ex no matter what when it comes to disciplining. I know it is hard for your daughter, as you are separated right now, but you have to find a place where you agree, and that place is the kids. I have been divorced for 7 years. My son was one when we were divorced. The one thing that we agree on is that we meet on common ground for the children. Ex: If I am having trouble our son, my ex husband will back me up, and, if necessary, we will all meet together to work through a situation. You have to come up with strategies that work for your daughter at both houses, and implement them. Keep each other informed about what is going on with her. Try to keep your anger and hurt put aside, and focus on what is best for your daughter. You can find time to discuss your relationship and your issues when she is not around.
    jadenmasonmom

    Answer by jadenmasonmom at 8:55 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I think kids can understand there are different rules in different houses. But kids can also learn to "play the game" and manipulate things so they get what they want. Just FYI.

    Give her lots of love and hugs, tell her how special she is, explain the reason for the rules (once or twice, not every time she breaks a rule), be consistent and expect her to test the rules.

    Is counseling an option? A counselor would help her adjust and give you strategies to help her. Your pediatrician can give you some numbers to call.
    RedRowan

    Answer by RedRowan at 9:53 PM on May. 1, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.