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3 Bumps

Pregnant w twins/ 1 have DS how was selective abortion for you?

I am 20 weeks pregnant with twins. I recently found out one of my twins have down syndrome. I am thinking about doing selective abortions. Taking care of a child with down syndrome is expensive form what I research and I wouldn't be able to take care of a healthy child and one with special needs. I will always be to busy with dealing with my sons down syndrome symptoms that I wont have time to show the same love to his brother. that wouldn't be fair so I am thinking about selective abortion or adoption so I can focus on raising my son with down syndrome to his full potential. with out the guilt of another child living a life of pain cause mommy and daddy was to busy. but at the same time I just don't know have anyone ever did selective abortion and how did you feel.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Apr. 30, 2011 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (33)
  • My brother in law and his wife has six children. One of them has DS. They are all happy, healthy, and well taken care of. I think you are making a bit too much of this. It's absolutely and totally possible to care for a special needs child and a "normal" child with each of them getting what they need. You have enough love for them both, you just have to learn to trust yourself and know that you can do it. Women do it all the time!
    ErinHill226

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 1:16 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • My friend was told her dd had downs. She was born healthy. I think it is murder either way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I am with u all the way anonymous. Abortion is murder. Just remember poster,those tests for down syndrome have been known to be wrong. Don't abort,alot of couples would love a special needs child.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 11:21 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I would not do selective reduction. I personally know 3 people that were told their child had DS and all 3 of those babies are completely healthy with 0 special needs. It is 100% possible to raise two children when one has DS. Sure it won't be easy but motherhood never is. And if you still felt you couldn't do it there are plenty of people out there that would love a child, special needs or not.
    momof2il

    Answer by momof2il at 11:26 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • You are an awful person to consider abortion.

    banana-bear

    Answer by banana-bear at 11:42 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I think this question is made up personally. Who gets on CM and says 'hey, i'm having twins and one might have something wrong so i'm gonna kill the one that doesn't.' Abortion is NOT the answer for either of them. If this is a real question, I want you to think about the consequences of what you are talking about.

    Does daddy know what you are planning?
    Have you thought about how stupid you might feel if you kill the "normal" one and then his twin comes out "normal" too?
    Do you realize the "normal" twin could be the biggest advocate in his life especially after you and hubby have passed on if he does have DS?
    VintageWife

    Answer by VintageWife at 11:51 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I wouldent I mean U did the deed ! So what u ended up with 2 babies In the oven Take that as a blessing & Take care of them
    PrissyT

    Answer by PrissyT at 11:26 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • Before you make this decision, keep in mind that those test are NOT 100%. I have known many people that were told that it was likely that one child would most likely have DS and then they had a 'normal' child.


    In addition, I am a mother of a child with a disability as well as a neurotypical child.  It's really not that hard. 

    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 11:26 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • rasing a "normal" child with a child with disabilities can be good for the other child. it will really teach them to be compasionate, and teach them about empathy and helping others. I know a lot of people who have grown up with sibblings or family members with disabilities and they have grown up to go into fields dealing with special needs, they contribute greatly to society. They can be really wonderful people, because they know the importance of caring for others.
    also, i have twins, I can't imagine if I had lost one or aborted one, and then the rest of my life I would see twins and think "i could have had that" or I would think of the other one so much, I would be lost without both my boys. I'm afraid you might regret the decision. wait until you have them, and hold them, you will love them both so much.
    ElsaSalsaaa

    Answer by ElsaSalsaaa at 11:34 AM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I've never dealt with this but I personally couldn't. At 20 weeks, I knew the sex of my baby and I could see him and feel him and despite being healthy or not, I don't think I could go through with it. I'd find a way to deal with the costs and be there for my babies. That is me, though and I am not in your situation so I know how easy it is for me to say it but I know I couldn't do it. I hope someone can help with your question though. Whatever you choose to do, good luck.
    fricky29

    Answer by fricky29 at 11:34 AM on Apr. 30, 2011