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Should I been done with my mother??? please be honest i need the help UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!

My mother has always been an alcoholic. well after i moved out i didnt speak to her for years, i barely spoke to her on my wedding day. after i had my first child i didnt talk to her for a year after she was born. she had been hospitalized and made to quit drinking and drugging so I thought id give her another chance and to be a grandma if nothing else. she did good for a while and she started back drinking slowly and now she is back to drinking DAILY. When I take them over there she calls a few hours later saying you need to come get them i got something I have to do, when i get there she is going to get beer and to a friends house. she doesnt work or anything. when i call her to get the kids from school because im stuck ion a job or something she makes excuses why she cant so i i finally just said yesterday forget it i dont need u. Its all up to me and my husband to do everything. he works shift work so i have to do everything myself pretty much. i want to move away from everyone. WTF do i do?

UPDATED PART:

Today I hear the girls in there playing and i hear Emily say " im drinking a beer". of course my jaw dropped. I called her in there were i was and asked her what she just said and of course she told me. I explained to her that was not very nice or a good thing to do or talk about. i asked her where she learned it and she said "mamaw" which is my mom. The i heard the youngest say it also so i had the talk with her. I sooooo freaking mad right now

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cnetlady

Asked by cnetlady at 12:37 PM on Apr. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (29 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • Well I certainly think that you should stop asking her to pick up your kids for you, that's just asking for something bad to happen if she's drinking. I don't think you should completely cut her out of her life, she is sick. My aunt literally drank herself to death, her kids had cut her out of their lives and she eventually died of liver cirrhosis (sp?). It's been 6 years and every one of her kids regrets not being around. It sucks, believe me I know, to watch someone you love to be so destructive. See her on holidays and for family stuff, but don't let her be responsible for your children.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 12:44 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I don't understand why you would leave your children with a woman who drinks daily anyway.. But that doesn't mean you have to end your relationship with her.. There should be more to your relationship besides having someone around to babysit your children.. So just don't depend on her to care for your children, don't leave your children with a woman who drinks every day.. You can still talk to her, you can still love her, and you can still bring your children over to spend time with her when you are present.. You don't have to condone he drinking, or even be around her when she is drinking (I would make sure she knows that), but you can still show your mother you care..
    Obi.Ren.Kenobi

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 12:48 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I'm not just talking out of my butt here.. My mother is also an alcoholic.. I pray for her every day and I try to have a relationship with her, though I don't allow myself to become disappointed or angry with her when she drinks.. My anger and disappointment hurts me more than it does her anyway..
    Obi.Ren.Kenobi

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 12:48 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I understand your ordeal completely. When I was married to my first husband and we were both working I would ask my mother to watch my ss. She would always come up with some excuse. My mother was also a very heavy drinker and druggie. I always told her that if she continued with that lifestyle she would never see her own grandchildren. Guess what? She's not here to see her first grandchild come into this world. I also did the tough love thing and didn't speak to her, thinking that would make her change her ways, but it didnt. She continued to drink and abuse drugs.

    Yes, back away from your mother. I understand how upsetting it is, but you deserve peace in your life too. Just do yourself one thing though. When you see your mothers number come up on your phone answer it just to make sure she is still alive and always tell her you love her even if you are madder than hell at her. It may be the last time you get to tell her
    soon2bmmy

    Answer by soon2bmmy at 12:49 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • my step dad is there when i leave them there. I wont leave them without him being there. she wont come to my house to see them because i wont let her brink beer. but she will go see her friend that lives 2 miles further. I get so jealous when i see grandparents with their grandkids out in public because my kids dont have that. his parents are good but they are always busy doing other stuff
    cnetlady

    Comment by cnetlady (original poster) at 12:49 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • Everytime I got to her house she is drinking, i hate to be around her. I dont ask her to watch the kids often because I dont like them out there. I dont have the luxery of a free babysitter like alot of people I know. I also have a useful degree but cant get a job because of the hours i would have to work and the daycare closes at 5pm which i wouldnt get off til 5pm or later.
    cnetlady

    Comment by cnetlady (original poster) at 12:53 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • my kids love my step dad and i want him to be a part of their lives but i dont want her a part of it because of her drinking. she was recently diagnosed with Rhuematoid Artharitis also but shes acting like she cant do anything at all for her self but then again she drinks constantly
    cnetlady

    Comment by cnetlady (original poster) at 12:57 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I have always done everything myself! It can be done! It is nice to have somebody to be able to get your kids when u r stuck,but,not necessary. Schedules can be changed,assignments at work could be started earlier so u don't get stuck. My husband and I have been taking care of our family for years without any help from relatives. I would say talk to your boss and try to work things around your schedule. Is there any work u could finish at home? It u can do this!! U do not need an alcoholic taking care of your kids! It can be done!!! Good Luck!!!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 1:03 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I temporary assisnments and i was 2 hours from home and could not make it to the daycare by 5. i am my boss on these situations. i do not have a fulltime job because its not worth me driving an hour both ways to work for 6 hours a day
    cnetlady

    Comment by cnetlady (original poster) at 1:09 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • Yes it can be done as long as i do my errands and everything before they get out of school or before the daycare closes at 5pm. i dont do these assignments everyday or anything just when I am called to do them. I was scheduled to be home by 5 but we got held up on the last assignment. i am a technician for redbox
    cnetlady

    Comment by cnetlady (original poster) at 1:14 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

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