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Dad was the disiplin and I would say I'm telling your father NOW WHAT??

My late husband always got our 2 kid's (girl& boy) to listen , they would never listen to me. It took me a long time to admit that I was one of those mom's that never disciplined because I would feel guilty and give in all the time and wanted to be friends. But it is true that you can't be best friends with your kid's . I am having a had time getting them to listen to anything I say and our routine is out the window. I had depression/anxiety before my husband passed. Now it is even worse!! I make breakfast, get them to school, dinner , baths & bed. Some activities on the weekends. They also have a huge yard and neighborhood with Lot's of friends. But I am so depressed I am just trying to get through each day. I know I need to be on more of routine for them to listen I know all of that stuff. But I can't seem to do it. I feel terrible and this depression is taking away the fun and structure in our house. Any suggestions?? Please help!! Also we have an in home therapist 2X a week, but I still feel lost.

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Asked by 15years2kidsnow at 12:45 PM on Apr. 30, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (37 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Have you tried a therapy group? It may be helpful for you to be involved with a group of people who have had a similar loss and are experiencing some of the same things that you are.

    Answer by Tarrar at 1:00 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • Losing your partner is one of the most heartbreaking things in life. ( I am so sorry) Have u tried to see a dr for depression/anxiety? You need something more than a visit a few times a week to chat. You have to get back to tending to the kids. they too are trying to deal with this and with you feeling the way you do they may be holding things in. YOU have got to keep them straight. Step up and follow through with punishments. STOP GIVING IN. Stand your ground with them. Dear hubby will give you that strength from up above.

    Answer by kkbird at 1:06 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • Thank's for the input and yes I am allready on med's for depression/anxiety. Thanks for the support on helping me get stronger and put my foot down. I know it's what I have to do, but it's sometimes easier said than done. Thanks!!1

    Comment by 15years2kidsnow (original poster) at 1:12 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • Why don't you sit down and write out what a good routine for your family would be? After you have it down on paper and are satisfied that it is a workable routine, sit down with your children and tell them that this is the new order of business. Then tell them that they are expected to cooperate with you to see that it happens. There will be times when you will have to make some allowances, but they don't need to know that. You then tell them that from now on, they will be asked once to do whatever it is that you require to be done. If they do not immediately obey, there will be a spanking on bare skin and the number of strikes will be determined by you and will be non-negotiable. Buy yourself an instrument of discipline. My daughter uses a small flexible ruler. I have a fly swatter in the shape of a hand. I prefer not to spank with my hands. If you will consistently do that, you will gain their respect and obedience

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:22 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • First of all, I am so sorry for your loss and wish you much healing and comfort. Finding a group of other young widows probably really would be helpful for you. As far as your discipline goes, I suggest sitting your children down and having a family talk. Let everyone speak about what is hard for them and what they need as appropriate for age. Then, tell them you've made mistakes, and you're sorry, but that's over now. It's a new day! Make a list of family expectations for behavior and tell them that everyone has to work together and that you need their help, just like they need yours. That's what families do. If they're old enough, let them have input about what they think should be expected of themselves and each other - and you. Then decide what consequences are appropriate for poor behavior, and pick an activity to do for good behavior. Your time=motivation. Then really be consistent. They know what to expect.

    Answer by DarlaHood at 2:33 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

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