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2 Bumps

I'm so lonely I feel like I'm suffocating.

I'm married w/children. My husband and I have grown so distant. I am dying for love, affection, even sex. He's on meds that make his sex drive nill. We don't do anything anymore. We fight.
My kids make me happy. I am in school so I have outside interests but they don't take the place of having a close marriage.
This has been going on and off for so long that maybe it's too much work. Is it supposed to be so difficult? We will have been together 8 yrs in July and I'm so miserable and lonely. Mostly lonely.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:26 PM on Apr. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Its time for counseling
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:34 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • Insurance only covers individual counseling.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:35 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • How are you reaching out to your husband? My guess is that he feels the same way you do, but men seldom will talk about such things. I suggest that you start the conversations with him but that you don't talk about what all you are missing or how you are feeling. Talk about him, what he's doing. Compliment him on the things he does well. You can't sit around waiting for him to come to you. A hurting man cannot let his wife see that unless she really makes herself vulnerable to him.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:37 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • maybe you can find a pastor from a local church.. maybe you can get a discounted price or maybe for free. good luck.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 2:37 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • have you tried to talk with hubby about this??? can u try to spend one on one with him or is he the one who pushes away??? See if he can talk to his Dr about viagra or something. good luck
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 2:39 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • If you can't find free counseling services, many a marriage has been salvaged by attending individual sessions first. Oftentimes it's better to begin that way because you can both discuss how you really feel without feeling pressured by the presence of your spouse sitting there listening. Then, the counselor can likely give you ways to discuss things you have been dealing with while at home. If he won't go, you go alone. Even one spouse figuring things out and responding differently to things can lead to changes in the other person...
    ErinHill226

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 2:42 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • It sounds like both of you are hurting and need to talk if not to each other than someone. Doesn't have to be therapy it can be a minister, a good friend, but the best is each other. Some times you think you know how the other feels, but then find out that you don't.
    xpressmom

    Answer by xpressmom at 2:43 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I feel like it's all we ever talk about. We were happy for about a month. Now, it's the same as before.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:43 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • Churches have couples counseling on a sliding scale it helps
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:44 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I zeroed in on the fact that he takes meds. Although I am female some of the antidepressants create a sense of disassociation so that your spouse can be feeling NOTHING AT ALL - it is a dumbing down of emotion. Almost all of them affect sex drive in both sexes. I suggest that YOU seek out a counselor to advise you about creating outlets that are fulfilling to you and promote social interaction to lessen your loneliness. Maybe your spouse can join you. The side effects from meds can wreak havoc on relationships.
    flightless

    Answer by flightless at 3:08 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

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