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2 Bumps

Another update on about why he left...

Today after lots of crying and hardship...I went and picked up my husband who was out on the streets. We are looking into the possibility of working things through. (I found out he cheated on me last night and kicked him out...) So, now I feel like one of those "stupid" girls for even considering wanting him back bc you always tell yourself you will "never be like that" or "if he cheats, he's gone for good." .... Have any of you ever successfully worked things out after your SO cheated? Should I feel stupid for wanting to try? We have two kids, and I can't even imagine what it would put them through for him to be gone for good...

 
Kword

Asked by Kword at 6:11 PM on Apr. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 27 (29,610 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • i don't think your stupid i can total understand the fact that's you would make shore you make the right decision for your and your kids . the answer is not all ways clear cut and there is no right or wrong . how ever you and your dh need to work out why he cheated in the 1st place then look at what can be dune to fix that . don't just take a simple answer sometimes there more than one reason. if you wont to fix the problems out for good yous two need to be 100% honest with each other on what the problems are. and its not gona be easy to hear some of what he has to say or what you have to say 


    also i tell him to go get checked to may shore he not got no std's

    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 6:19 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • Every woman wants to say that if their man ever cheated they would be out the door so fast...yadda, yadda, yadda...but I think the truth is, when it comes to our marriages, and when there are children involved...we really don't know WHAT we would do until we are put into that situation...do what you think is best for YOU and YOUR family...don't let other people dictate how you live your life. I wish you all the luck in the world mama and I will keep you and your family in my prayers
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 6:20 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO US 20 YEARS AGO, ANG WE WORKED IT OUT AND WE HAVE 4 KIDS AND 4 GRAND KIDS TODAY
    duwana

    Answer by duwana at 6:29 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • All I will say is that if the person who cheated really wants to make it work (I mean REALLY wants it) then it can. And I would not give up hope that things will change. But if you want to be assured he hasn't gone back to his old ways he has to expect to have to prove himself through his actions. It IS worth the effort because you have two beautiful children & is IS possible you can have an even better relationship with him in the future. If you want to talk more about this you can message me. I have been through this but I choose not to put the details out there. good

    805doll

    Answer by 805doll at 7:48 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • It is the hardest thing you will ever do and he has to realize that you will be suspicious of everything he does for quite some time. If you both go in accepting that for now that is how things are going to be then it can work.

    My husband not only cheated he left then came back with 2 very young children, we were young and he thought the grass was greener on the other side and before he knew it he was stuck cause he was not leaving those 2 LO's with her. He knew ours were fine and safe with me and as soon as she signed over custody he was out of there and they and him have been mine ever since. It was not easy, hell it was beyond hard but we have been together 21 years in a few months and I have never, not once, regretted my choice to work it out with him.

    Only you can know if it is worth saving, let no one tell you what is "right" follow your head but don't ignore your head.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 8:58 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • You will always wonder "what if" if you don't give it a try. Ask yourself this, if the tables were turned, would you want a second chance?
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 9:42 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • I agree with you, until you've walked in these shoes you can't truly say what you would do. A friend of mine stayed with her dh and even though she struggles sometimes, they are doing quite well. I think if you think you can work this out then you should try.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 6:18 PM on May. 4, 2011

  • i personally havent been though the cheating part..but i did chew out dh for spanking our ds(3 yr) with a belt excessivly.... we talked it out and the belt is no longer a punishment and we use the corner more. we worked it out after much screaming and yelling at eachother and crying. You can try counsleing(sp?), which could help...it might not if he doesnt want to fix the problem.
    dreamangel06

    Answer by dreamangel06 at 6:21 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • Yes, we will both be getting checked asap. Also, I know this is going to take a lot of work on both our parts. Before I even considered bringing him back to the house, we had a long talk about how much we are each willing to work to get through this. I think we are going to go through our church for marriage counseling, and I don't think it's a bad idea for him to go to private counseling either. Gah! I can't even believe this is happening.
    Kword

    Comment by Kword (original poster) at 6:22 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

  • My husband cheated on me on the night my brother got married. I had to leave the reception early because his dd (at the time, Long story) was tired. My husband had way too much to drink and ended up cheating. He told me the next morning that he thought he might have but wasn't sure. As the day went on and he thought about it he realized that he did and told me. I was livid. I hit him over and over again and he just took it. It took a long time but we worked it out.
    gavs4boys

    Answer by gavs4boys at 6:23 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

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