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some one please help me

he want's to share 50/50 like him have the baby for a month and then me have the baby for a month if i dont say yes to that the he is going to go for full custody and then i would really never see my baby and i plan to brest feed i am 7 months pregnant and this is really stressing me out and he keep's putting in my face that i he has a lawyer and he said " you are right that we cannot file for custody before the baby is born but my lawyer said that we can have all the paperwork ready and file as soon as the baby is born" i am in (OR) and he is in (WA) and he's about 3 1/2 hrs away from me its heard for me to get any kind of state help cuz of i am in OR i just am scard that i going to lose my baby girl and he's all so to day he even said " I will go to the attorney and file for full custody if you do not want to work it out between us"
can some one please HELP ME and tell me what i can do


Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Dec. 4, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • ((Cont....)) #3 A judge WILL NOT (based on family court guidlines) take any child under the age of approx. 5 and force split custody such as week on/week off. These cases are always split into one parent has full physical custody and the other gets ample visitation. This is for the well being of the child, not the parents. The judges main goal is to make sure the BABY is happy and safe. #4 The fact that you have an infant will greatly be in your favor even if you weren't breastfeeding. Judges DO NOT take infants away from their moms PERIOD, except for the following reasons: you are using drugs, you are a danger to the child, you have a past history of being abusive....and he would have to have concrete proof of these things. If you need help, please write to me and I will try my best. I have a ton of info I can share with you.

    Answer by Raegy at 2:18 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I'm sorry but your best bet is to get a lawyer.

    Answer by Slinkee at 1:13 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I agree get a lawer

    Answer by cherylious68 at 1:15 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • don't put him on the birth certificate. if you don't he has to prove paternity and go to court after that. if he wants the baby that bad make him prove it.

    Answer by chyna_doll at 1:19 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Empower yourself with information--talk to a lawyer--a lot will answer questions over the phone or free of charge. Generally courts do not separate babies from the mother--they will not when you are breastfeeding and they don't like to separate siblings close in age. For example, a court isn't going to send off your two year old while the baby stays with you (so I think it would be best not to deny paternity). They will act in the best interest of the kids. Your husband is a bully and you shouldn't be dealing with this while pregnant. He's trying to scare you.

    Answer by Pumamama at 1:24 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • men always do that they try to scare you into doing what they want . best advice is get a lawyer. dont let him scare you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Speaking from experience here stop with all contact act like you "fell off" dont let him even be there when she is born and DONT PUT HIM ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE and he just cant Take the baby away from you with out damn good reason as long as you can provide a safe and healthy enviroment for that baby you shouldn't have anything to worry about and truthfully I would so use the Breastfeeding as an arguement from custody by argueing the fact that Breast is Best just make sure if and when the time comes to go to court you have some sort of legal counsil

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • First of all, I know you are scared because he is scaring you on purpose. But, I have a lot of experience in this matter and I will tell you the general guidlines that ALL judges in the US follow. First of all, let him file for custody...let him file for whatever he wants. That DOES NOT mean he will get it. All crazy, bully husbands and boyfriends do this and the judge looks at that as a blanant disregard for the child's well-being. By asking for full custody, he is making himself look like a terrible father already in the judges eyes. #2 Even if the guy has a lawyer and even if he calls you a slut (I'm just giving you examples here), or says you can't support the baby, or whatever - the judge CAN NOT take the baby from you. He/she has to follow ruling guidlines. ((Cont...below))

    Answer by Raegy at 2:09 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • You know what honey, he can not do that, no way, no how not ever so do not stress anymore.

    What a bastard!

    What you need to do is speak to your paediatrician and let him know what is going on and how the stress is affecting your health and your baby's health and have him type a letter that a lawyer can present to this asshole preventing him from contacting you or threatening you in the future.

    You need to grow up very fast and become one strong woman for your baby, right now! Educate yourself, you obviously have the internet so start reading & taking notes.

    Set the behavioural precedent with him now and let him know clearly you WILL NOT ALLOW HIM TO THREATEN YOU LIKE THIS ANY LONGER and remind him if he cares about his child he would be treating the mother like a princess.


    Answer by Waxing_Lyrical at 5:34 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Only speak to him in front of a witness from now on and everytime possible use a written exchange for communication. Keep an objective diary, that is without emotion of all the things he is saying to you and theatening you with for future legal action. Make a note of the person who witnesses this each time.

    It is in a baby's best interest to have smaller yet more frequent contact with the non-custodial parent, not larger chunks of time and there is no lawyer or doctor or child psychologist who will say otherwise.

    Keep your chin up and stop allowing him to bully you.

    Answer by Waxing_Lyrical at 5:34 AM on Dec. 4, 2008