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Hello...I just wanted to get some input for my situation. I don't really get along with my future grandbaby's mama. Actually I have not even seen or spoken to her since she has been preggers. I talk to my son tho to get all the answers. My question for y'all is, how do I break the ice with her? I don't know what to do.

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SeanAndRyansMom

Asked by SeanAndRyansMom at 1:27 AM on Dec. 4, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (19)
  • Why don't you get along with her? That would depend on my answer :o)
    KaceesMom

    Answer by KaceesMom at 1:28 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Invite her to a girls night out. Maybe a movie and dinner, maybe a little shopping for the baby. From personal experience i can tell you its HARD to open up the inlaws. Make sure to include her in your family but dont be too pushy. Dont give her any reason to not like you, no complaining behind her back, any of that (not saying you are doing that now), it always gets back to the person.
    trusting_in_HIM

    Answer by trusting_in_HIM at 1:42 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Oh and also realize she and the baby should be #1 in your sons life now. Its not that you are being forgotten but his priorities should now be to HIS family not to you, ya know. Again just personal experience. ive been the bad guy for years because I took my MILs son away and he didnt call as much, she felt I stole him but really he just grew up and is taking responsibility for his family :)
    trusting_in_HIM

    Answer by trusting_in_HIM at 1:44 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • mil hated me when she fount out i was preg. my dh is her only child too!!! all i can say is try at least once a wk going to dinner just yall 3...it helps to talk and all. we live with her now and that is the only was we servie is that dinner once a wk..it like clear thigns up...remember too...she didnt take your lil boy she made him what you wanted him to be maybe not excally but you did have dreams of him having a family one day
    mama2twins07

    Answer by mama2twins07 at 1:47 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Maybe ask her how SHE is doing instead of asking your son. If you call the house and she answers...talk to her. Or, stop by their house when you know he is not home....ask her if there is anything she needs help with around the house, ask if there is anything she needs from the store (because you as the sympathetic MIL know how difficult it can be to get everything done that needs doing) ask if there is anything that she needs for the baby that they do not yet have...you did not mention how far along she is, but if she has not yet had her baby shower, tell her you would really like to throw one for her and ask her about a guest list.....there are so many options, but most of all, you need to be sincere in your efforts, and if she is hesitant at first, you need to be understanding, and just keep trying.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 1:54 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Don't leave the proverbial elephant on the table. Acknowledge that you two haven't gotten along but you really want to have a relationship with her in the future. If you use the tone you used now in asking this question I think you'll be fine. Could you write her a letter and in it ask her if you could go for coffees or lunch or a long drive together...
    Waxing_Lyrical

    Answer by Waxing_Lyrical at 5:22 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • You may need to tread carefully to make peace. Show her that you want to be a good MIL. I like the idea of going out with her shopping or for lunch or a movie. Keep it light. Show rather than talk.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:16 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • HAVE THE 3 OF YOU GUYS SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER. YOUR SON IS THE COMMON GROUND ASK HIM TO START CONVERSATIONS SO YOU ALL RELAX AND YOU AND HER CAN GET TO KNOW EACHOTHER IN A RELAXED ENVIRONMENT.
    I DONT REALLY TALK TO MY BOYFRIENDS MOM BUT I DO NOT HAVE A PROB WITH HER. SHE CALLS ONCE IN AWHILE, TEXTING IS WHAT I PREFER SO MAYBE TRY TEXTING HER AND TALKING TO HER THAT WAY. IT TAKES THE PRESSURE OFF AND YOU ARE STILL MAKING THE EFFORT.
    YOUR SONS OPINION OF YOU WILL BE HER OPINION OF YOU, SO SINCE YOU ARE CLOSE WITH YOUR SON SHE PROBABLY THINKS HIGHLY OF YOU.
    GOING TO DINNER EVERY FEW WEEKS WILL BE GOOD CATCH UP AND HELP EASE THINGS,.
    GOOD LUCK!
    sassy_brizzy

    Answer by sassy_brizzy at 1:30 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I had rocky time with my MIL at first- fortunately I think things got ironed out around the time her son and I married. About a month before the wedding, I sent her a note in the mail (we lived about 1200 miles away from each other at the time) stating that I in no way wanted to replace her roll as my husband's mother, and I wanted us to get along and be a family, etc. She seemed skeptical at first (asked my husband about the letter she thought he made me write her, etc.), but I think it worked. Maybe sit down and talk with her- or write her a letter- explaining that you're sorry you got off on the wrong foot, but you'd like to be a family- for yours, hers, and the grandbaby's sake. If you write her a letter, you'll be able to reflect over it and think carefully about it- likewise, she'll be able to review it more carefully.
    Kat770

    Answer by Kat770 at 2:24 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I would do everything in my power to get along with her, even if you have to vent with one of your friends afterwards. You want a good relationship with your grandchild, and if his/her mom doesn't like you, she will make it hard for you to have one. Maybe if you just take baby steps(both of you) you may find out that you actually do get along
    Harrisonsmommie

    Answer by Harrisonsmommie at 4:26 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

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