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For divorced moms that have teenage sons, how did you handle it when your son wanted to live with his dad?

I have kept my son at home from living from his dad, because his grades weren't good enough. His grades have seriously improved and I am sure he wants to go live with his dad. Even though I have full custody, we have a pretty open agreement of when he can come and go. How did you handle it? His dad is very lenient, which is one of the reasons I am sure he wants to go live with him. I would prefer for him to live with us until he graduates.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on Dec. 4, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • Once they hit the age of 13 they legally have the right to live with which ever parent they choose unless the parent they choose would cause them harm. If you were in court the judge would leave the choice up to your son... I would do the same.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:44 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • yes legally they can choice but my kids want to live with their dad and their dad is the same. probably worse but my kids and i are of the same faith and my ex is but doesn't live his life by it. i just tell my boys that it's not going to happen and i'm sorry but as a their mother this is what i feel they need which is to continue to go to church which i know they wouldn't so that i can ensure that they go on a mission. that i love them very much and i would miss them to much not to have them in my life. i think they are to loyal to me or at least scared of hurting my feelings by picking their father over me that they wouldn't. just give specifics of why he can't not just the grades, things that he can't improve on but things that are essential that he probably wouldn't get from his father. like a well structured discipline or rules to ensure his future.

    Answer by melody77 at 1:05 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Well, actually they don't have the choice. Unless the other parent takes the custodial party to court, and that will only occur if the he is up to date on his child support. His is still a minor, and unless he has no legal rights as far choosing which parent. Now if they went back to court and the judge asked him who he wanted to live with he would take that into consideration.

    Answer by Alma_C at 3:28 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • The legal age of majority for the state of Texas is eighteen (18). This is the official age of majority in most US states and Western countries is 18. That's when you're considered a legal adult and you can make all your own decisions.

    Answer by Alma_C at 3:37 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I let him.

    Answer by AnitaVersion2.0 at 4:47 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • talk to your ex and if he improves in school you will think about it,,,,send him om weekends to see how it works out,,, good luck

    Answer by seexxymama4u2me at 5:52 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I handled it by fighting the issue which got me no where fast. The fact that I was the most stable parent for my son didn't matter at all and he ended up going to live with his "father" after years of me trying to protect him from doing so-sometimes we all have to learn our own lessons, you know? I kept a journal for years and just had my book published. Every situation is different of course but I'll bet we have alot in common:) Blessed Be-

    Answer by gzee at 6:29 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Unfortunately my son did live with his dad and his grades were terrible. He was facing the prospect of not graduating in 4 years, maybe not at all. I didn't take it very well and had many talks with my son about it. His father never graduated and saw it as no big deal. Luckily enough I was able to convince my son he would be better off staying with me so I could help him with his schoolwork and make sure he did what he needed to do to graduate. Keep talking with him and he may also see the wisdom in staying with you at least until he graduates. His eduction is very important and something he shouldn't take lightly because he'll surely regret it in the future. Good Luck.

    Answer by ferrisdaval at 11:40 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • i ahve 5 kids and they will live with me until they turn 18 and are old enough to move out! i am divorced with 4 kids from my ex, 3 of them are boys. i would never let them live with theid dad. im the mom, ive taken care of them theyre whole life!! moms rule!!!!!

    Answer by j-hunt at 3:46 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • I went to the same school as qzee. I fought it because my son was acting out (threating to kill us in our sleep, talking about cutting) and his father was preventing counseling. I finally put my son into the psyche recommended by his pediatrician........... and got a court-order for treatment.

    Twelve months later I was out-maneuvered by both son and father when a new therapist was assigned. She is closing my son's case, not because he doesn't need treatment but because it is too much trouble to treat him, his father and I.

    In doing what I thought was best, I lost everything.

    Answer by DanieT at 1:23 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

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