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Is it that I'm emasculating him or condescending to him?

DH has his own business. When he first started working on it in Nov, he had casually mentioned wanting to market said business online as well as through local media sources. He never explicitly stated that he wanted me to do that marketing. He had asked if I would work at the business sometimes. My objection was that the girls wouldn't do well stuck up there all day without a designated play area. In Jan I started grad school. In Feb the business had its grand opening. In Jan he'd created a Facebook page for the business and that alone garnered lots of new business, so in Mar I created a Google Places page for him. He got instantly mad because Google places associated the page with with my Google account, but he didn't want to go through the trouble of reassociating it with another account, so we left it that way. No harm done, til Google let him change my password (my blog and various other Google services are associated with the same account!). He has casually mentioned wanting to create accounts on other marketing/networking sites, so one day I made a Foursquare account. Remember the Google issue, I set the Foursquare to one of his email accounts. He didn't know what Foursquare was and never went to the account to set up the listing. Tonight, he mentioend Twitter again, so I logged out of my Twitter (which usually stays logged on) and went to the account creation screen, intending to create him an account and link it to the Facebook because I'd told him that he would never have to go to Twitter if they were linked (I have my pages set that way for my Twitter). He got mad and told me that he would create it himself because I hadn't wanted to do it before (he never explicitly stated to!).


Asked by AmourSpork at 5:33 AM on May. 1, 2011 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I agree with sailor, except I would add that he is probably feeling a little insecure because you know how to do this stuff and he doesn't. I don't think you are being condescending, but I think he is probably perceiving it that way because of his sensitivity. Just something to be aware of in the future, as you'll have to tread lightly so that it doesn't happen again. Good luck!

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 9:53 AM on May. 1, 2011

  • Wow sounds like he's throwing a little hissy fit for no good reason. To answer your original question..I don't see how you are emasculating him at all so I don't think that is the issue. The issue seems to be that maybe he is upset because he thinks your so busy with other things that you'd rather not help him? Girl men are weird lol But if he really needed your help with things he should have been specific and also could have been more appreciative of the help you tried to give him instead of getting mad over something you did wrong!

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 8:35 AM on May. 1, 2011

  • Honestly, I think in a way both of you are wrong. You very clearly (to me) want to help him and are trying to be supportive to him, which is a good thing. However, unless he asks for you to specifically create an account for him, you shouldn't do it, because it can start to look like you don't have faith in his ability to do it (especially creating so many for him without asking him if he wants you to or having him ask you to first).

    I know you want to be supportive, but sometimes, the best way to be supportive is to not do something, if that makes sense :-)


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:22 AM on May. 1, 2011

  • cont

    I would suggest maybe sitting down with him and trying something like saying "Honey, I'm sorry if I went a little overboard with the accounts and stuff. I'm just so proud of you and your new business, and was so excited to get to be able to help you with it, that I didn't really think before I started creating all of them. Next time, I won't set anything up unless you specifically ask me to."

    Then offer to sit down with him to change all of the accounts/ pages (especially the Google one - that was one of the things HE was wrong about!) over to accounts in his name that he can control. If he wants to run them, fine. If not, then he can ask for your help - that way, you aren't "stepping on his toes" - and he will have to admit that you are helping him and that what you've done is a good thing :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:24 AM on May. 1, 2011

  • I have a degree in marketing. My dh asked me to help. I gave him several ideas and pointers. He never used them. I just stay out of it. I've also suggested fb, but until he wants it it's not going to be done. I say just support him and let him do it himself. It might not be at your speed, but he has to do what makes him comfortable. And to answer your question, no you aren't being condescending, you're just trying to help.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 1:40 PM on May. 3, 2011