Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why is it SAHM's get so upset?

I fully understand that you are a sahm and that is a full time job in its self. But why is it some sahm's get mad when the so/dh doesnt help around the house, or with the children? I work 40 + a week and need to do all that a sahm does still, the cleaning, laundary, dishes, dinner, shopping and all needed to have a household. My dh doesnt help often, either. So staying home or working out side the home isnt really going to get him to do more around the home.

Answer Question
 
moma22angels

Asked by moma22angels at 5:51 AM on Dec. 4, 2008 in Money & Work

Level 9 (342 Credits)
Answers (31)
  • I don't expect my DH to help at all. I stay home, he works two jobs - he shouldn't have to! However, when his jobs end he gets to come home and do nothing, whereas my job is neverending. I do ask him on occasion to cook or take the kids out, so I can get a break.
    mamapotter

    Answer by mamapotter at 6:10 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • It's all about the value one brings to the relationship. When a SAHM gets upset that her DH/SO doesn't help out she has every right to be upset, as would a working Mom. No matter if you bring a paycheck in or not, your value in the relationship is important. With working Moms it shows with a paycheck yet a sahm doesn't have that- though they do plenty that is priceless. Everyone needs a break from their job, no matter what they do so sahms get the short end of the stick most of times.
    candygirl1030

    Answer by candygirl1030 at 6:37 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Well, I know one SAHM that does absolutely NOTHING while her DH goes to work everyday to support her horrendous shopping habits. He works 7 days a week and then has to come home to cut the grass, help her clean, etc., etc. That's just sad. The worst part? He can work 12 hours in a day and come home to a pot pie in the oven for his dinner. I mean, give me a break already! I work 50+ hours a week and yet I still clean, do laundry, yard work AND cook a decent meal for my family. And this SAHM has the financial hold on the house - she can spend whatever she wants while she limits her DH to what he can even carry in his wallet. It's SAHM's like her that don't deserve to complain about anything, yet she's always complaining! Go figure!
    TeensMom07

    Answer by TeensMom07 at 7:30 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • As a sahm i expect my husband to help with the kids 100%. He made them with me he can help give baths read stories take them outside to play and so on. The only thing i don't think he should do is wake up at night with our 6 month old. Now as for house work i do it all and the yard work... he helps me with dishes and picks up toys he sees laying around that aren'tbeing played with but its because he wants to help. He had the girls for a weekend and got a handful so he wants to help me out. I have never asked him to do anything but clean up his mess in the bathroom (toothpaste in the sink lol) and put his clothes in the dirty laundry.

    whitenena

    Answer by whitenena at 7:35 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • I sometimes do feel like I do 3x more work than my friend which is a SAHM. Im not jealous at all but I get so tired of hearing her complain and complain (like Im doing right now LOL). She complains about all the hard work she has to do while at home.

    Anyway I have to wake up early get kids ready to go to the babysitter (grandmother) then go to work, come home at 4pm, pickup kids, pickup DH, come home, cook, feed everyone, wash dishes, clean up the mess, play with kids, give them a bath etc.... all this has to be done at least by 10pm meanwhile she doesnt even cook or have the house looking decent!!! Her husband is a very quiet guy but I also feel very bad that she doesnt do anything but sit on the couch all day while the kids run around. She should stop complaining bcuz she really doesnt appreciate the option of being able to stay home.
    nenita22

    Answer by nenita22 at 8:02 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • This is how I see it. When I am home with my kid (or am babysitting so there are a few of them lol) the house get's incredibly messy and is a constant work in progress. When we go out on the weekends and aren't in the house, less meals are cooked at home which mean less dishes, no one is making a mess in the house so less general cleaning, laundry is still the same but that's never a big deal. So the way I see it, it's easier to keep a home when no one is in it. JMO.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:08 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Umm you ARE NOT doing everything that a stay at home mom does. You are NOT taking care of the children all day. And YOU get to leave the house and actually see people without your children. I work all night at home so I'm sure I have half the sleep you do and I help every single person who asks for help, because they think I'm a stay at home mom I have all the time in the world so I am picking their kids up from groups and bring them to sitters and I pre-school for my daughter and then getting friends kids off the bus and bring them to after school programs. All YOU have to do is Go To Work!
    Works4Mom.com

    Answer by Works4Mom.com at 8:38 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • You work 40 hours a week and are a mom for 128 hours. I am a mom for 168 hours non-stop. I agree w/pp that staying at home with children is way more challenging than working, at least at work there are adults to talk to, things get accomplished you have goals and deadlines. At home, it's a never ending cycle of housework that must be completed while being Barney, the Wiggles and Mary Poppins all in one.
    That being said, the only thing I expect my hubby to do around the house is yard work and since I'm currently pregnant to take out the trash. It is JOB to be a sahm and you get vacations and time off, we don't. Be a little more understanding.
    Slinkee

    Answer by Slinkee at 8:45 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • When I was a SAHM I did most of it but if need or want help then I fully expect my DH to step in and help. I didn't create the mess or the kids by myself. I am lucky though because my DH helps me all the time.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:48 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Let me elaborate on my earlier answer. This SAHM who does absolutely nothing does have 2 kids - one is 21, not working and living off mommy & daddy, and the other is 16 who spends all of his free time in front of his X-box. Neither one of these kids does a thing around the house to help and sadly, because they were so overly coddled all their lives, they wouldn't even begin to know how to fend for themselves independently. The daughter has already said she's never leaving home because she has it made with mommy & daddy supporting her butt - paying her car, gas, insurance, clothing, food, smoking & drinking habit, etc., etc., etc. I truly hope for the sake of any of you SAHM's, you incorporate independence and discipline in your children because mom and dad aren't going to be there forever!
    TeensMom07

    Answer by TeensMom07 at 8:58 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.